Thursday, December 22, 2016

Have a Romantic Christmas Countdown!

Good morning everyone! I hope you are having a great start to your Christmas holiday. Even though I am not a big holiday person, I do know that the holidays are a great opportunity to be extra romantic.  If you haven't already planned something romantic and sweet for your special someone, its not too late.  Christmas is a time for family, friends, giving, and love! You can't have a complete Christmas without sharing it with the person you profess your love to. If you can't spend the actual holiday together, at least plan SOMEthing that you two can enjoy together.


Some suggestions:
* Plan breakfast in bed the morning of or the morning before.
* Exchange a small gift between the two of you in private.
* Plan a romantic dinner for just the two of you the night before or the night after.
* Go shopping with each other and make it a date while you're at it.
* Send Christmas cards to each other in the mail!
* Go for a drive to see the Christmas lights.
* Watch old Christmas movies snuggled on the couch with some wine and chocolates.

There are so many things you can do to spark some ROMANCE this Christmas. Always make time for passion in your relationship, even during the busy holiday! If you have some suggestions for a ROMANTIC Christmas, leave a comment below.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Yes Women Can Propose- Finale!

So in my last blog I mentioned that I took the leap and I proposed to my man.  The day started off as a normal Saturday and him and the kids and I got up to go shopping. We spent a day shopping and having good quality family time. One of the last stores we went to was Helzberg Diamonds. I love jewelry so I went in there to look at their sales. I looked at quite a few rings and I noticed that he was watching. The one I fell in love was a white sapphire ring and it was gorgeous! I love colored stones but this ring was unique. My daughter wanted to go to Books-A-Million so I went over there with her but my man stayed behind. Before I left him there, and being the nosy woman I am, I noticed THE ring was gone from the case. He shooed me away and I went to the book store with my daughter.

Now lets rewind... Him and I had a pretty emotional conversation about two weeks before and he admitted that there was a point that he wanted to ask me to marry him but that he was afraid (and for good reason {engaged before and disappointed} and {we hadn't been dating a year yet}). I knew in my heart that he was the ONE so I said to myself, hey why not propose to him and take the pressure off of him. We had been talking marriage. I knew he wanted to ask so I got excited immediately about asking him.

Fast forward. We left the mall and I knew that he had purchased the ring. So smiling, I put my plan into action to ask him. The ring I ordered for him 10 days before had come in the mail and was waiting for a special moment. I planned to ask him on my birthday, January 7th, but when we got home he said something similar to "I better love him" and something in my heart said its time to prove it to him. So my proposal came early. 

I got down on one knee in front of him and told him just how much I loved him and why. I think its always good to tell people why you love them when you say those three words because it validates the meaning even more. I could see fear and happiness in his eyes, so I hesitated but then I decided no. This is the RIGHT time. I got up off my wobbly old knees, dished for his ring in my drawer and straddled him on the bed. I told him that I had no doubt in my mind that I could be THE ONE for him and that I knew that he was the ONE for me despite our short courtship and despite his fears. I told him why I felt I was the one for him and then I presented the ring to him and asked him to marry me.




The look in his eyes was kind of scary, but he smiled with water on his eyes and he said yes! We kissed, hugged with joy and then the excitement began. Within an hour, pictures of his ring had been taken, his mom had been called and his best friend had been asked to be his best man! Then came his post to Facebook and the 300+ congratulation likes or comments!

All were happy for the actual engagement but of course their were some who had something to say about me actually doing it. Honestly, I was a little nervous about him announcing that I proposed to him but after the congrats came pouring in my nervousness died and was replaced with happiness. To feel the excitement and love in his words to his mom and his boys let me know I did the right thing at the right time by asking him. It didn't exactly go the way I planned with all the romance and mush I planned for my birthday but it was perfect!

I could have waited for my ring to come in and for him to ask me but I didn't. I followed my heart, relieved the stress off of his mind and did what worked for us and he was so proud that I took the initiative and asked him. Proud of my strength to do so despite the norm and was honored to tell everyone how proud of me he was that I stepped out the box.

And guess what...when my ring came in from being sized, he planned a magnificent day and proposed to me! Ladies, don't be afraid to propose to your man. It was a great experience for me and him and he respected me even more for loving him enough to do it. Happy Holidays from us to You!




To read the first blog to Yes! Women Can Propose start here http://romancequeen101.blogspot.com/2016/11/yes-women-can-propose-to-man-part-1.html.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Single During the Holidays- What to Do!



Every one has had a holiday where they are single. I know I have plenty of times. So what do you do when you want to go to holiday parties, travel or do holiday activities and you are single? A friend of mine on my Facebook blog page was asking the same question. Some of the men on the thread suggested themselves for company. A few other women responded they were asking themselves the same thing. I suggested doing activities with your friend girls or your lover. So what is the answer to being single during the holidays?

Here are some suggestions:
* Do what YOU enjoy! If you have been wanting to go visit your friend in another state or see your cousin you haven't seen in awhile or want to catch the latest movies out in the theatre or go on a shopping spree and spend all the money on yourself. Do something that YOU enjoy doing. What better time to do then the holidays when you are off for a couple of days?
* Do not be negative. Instead of thinking about the mate you don't have or what's not going the way you want, get into the holidays spirit and be grateful for what you DO have- your kids, healthy parents, a home, a job... Get into the holiday spirit and enjoy it by putting on your favorite holiday CD, cooking your favorite dishes, inviting your best friends over or visiting with different families.
* Go to a singles event. You are not the only one who is single during the holidays. Their are others just like you so try a singles event around the holidays and go out and meet new people.  Sometimes the benefit of being single is that you get to spend the holidays with who you want and as many people as you want. 
* Volunteer. Their are others that are less fortunate, don't have family to spend time with and are unable to enjoy Christmas because of their circumstances. You can change all that by volunteering at local shelters or organizations. Give back to your community during the holidays and spend time with people who will truly appreciate your presence.

That leads us to some benefits of being single:
1. You don't have to stress out about buying your special someone (SS) a romantic gift. Buy something for yourself!
2. You don't have to split time between their family and yours. You can go wherever you want!
3. You can invest more time in YOU. 
4. You don't have to worry about impressing your SS's family or friends!
5. You can flirt with whoever you want at all the holiday parties.
6. You can walk around holding the mistletoe and get all the holiday kisses without feeling guilty!
7. You can leave parties when you are ready!
8. You get to eat the last of the holiday desserts and you don't have to share! That includes the leftovers you have left.
9. You can catch up on sleep if you want to do absolutely nothing!
10. No one else can wreck your holiday mood!

These are just some of the benefits I wanted to highlight that looked great to me but they are many more benefits to being single during the holidays. Read this funny article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/benefits-of-being-single-during-the-winter_us_564b7b39e4b08cda348b18f8.


Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Yes! Women Can Propose- I Did!

My last blog post listed reasons why people felt that women should NOT propose and I gave my reasons to why I think its absolutely ludicrous! As a woman who has been ready to settle down for several years, I do not feel that its wrong for a woman to propose. Some do and that's their right. However, me being me- all about women's equality, rights and taking my life into my own hands I feel that it is quite okay if I want to propose to the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. 


The decision to propose (male or female) is not about anyone else but YOU and YOUR mate. You have to know what type of partner you have and whether your relationship will suffer (mainly his ego crushed) if you, ladies, proposed to him. We don't ever want to do anything to offend, hurt, or emasculate the man we want to spend our lives with, so if you have a man that you know 1000% would be completely offended by your proposal you probably should wait for him to propose to you OR propose to him that he proposes to you like this bride did here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fxlyv-L6dpQ&t=148s (I highly suggest you start at 12;21 minutes...)

I searched the web for true life stories about women proposing to their man and I found a pretty awesome article here:

Eight Women Who Decided to Propose http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-35635591.

So guess what?! I did it! 

Stay tuned to read how it went down on my next blog!



Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Yes Women Can Propose to Men or Can They

So when the subject of women proposing comes up the conversation gets pretty heated and emotional. What is the big deal about women proposing to men?


Well for most, its not the traditional way. Ever since the beginning of time, the expectation was that the man would court the woman and the woman would wait for the man to pursue her and blah blah blah. Those times are gone! Women are more aggressive these days and not afraid to express interest in a man. 
Yes, traditionally the man proposed to the woman, but that was tradition. Tradition is always in the past. This is 2016 going on 2017. Some things in the past are no longer seen as the norm and for women, choosing a mate and who she marries is her choice. Not her parents. Not the church. Hers. Women are no longer asking for their parents opinion on who to marry. They meet a guy. They date said guy. They commit to said guy. They fall in love and when they get engaged, they tell their parents. 
People also like to throw up the Bible and God in this conversation. As a spiritual woman I am well versed in the Bible. No where in the Bible does it say that the man has to propose and that the man has to choose his mate by himself. Marriage is a commitment made between TWO people- the man AND the woman. The intended husband in the Bible did have to ask for her hand in marriage and go through several rituals to win her hand. However, no where in the Bible is their a rule that the husband has to be the one to propose. Nowhere. Their is an account however in the Bible where women switched roles and one such one was in the case of Ruth and Boaz. Ruth proposed marriage to Boaz when she approached him at his bedside. She was offering herself to him to be his wife. The Bible speaks of a man loving his wife as himself, a woman respecting her husband and husband and wife becoming one. I do not recall a scripture saying the man must propose to the woman. 


Another argument I hear about why women should not propose is because it "emasculates the man" and to "let a man be a man." What really does that mean? Does this mean that a man is weak if a woman proposes to him and he accepts. Does it mean that because the man did not propose to the woman first that makes him a punk or less of a man? Or does this mean that because the woman stepped forward to ask him to be her husband, that makes him the weaker link in the relationship?  This is all false. If a man is considered weak for accepting the role to be the head of her household and lead her and her children, then I would hate to see what else makes him weak. If he is less of a man for accepting a proposal from a woman who obviously feels he's worth being her King or getting romanced or surprised with such a grand gesture then maybe he's not ready to marry a woman who is proving she is strong enough to be his Queen. 
Accepting a woman's proposal does not emasculate a man or take away the fact that he is THE MAN. It only means to the woman that he is worthy of her forever commitment, the father role of her children and the leadership of her castle. That's it. If you do some research their were Queens who chose their husbands to rule beside them, not the other way around. I am big on ROMANCE. Its nothing wrong with the woman taking this step to surprise, honor and ROMANCE the man in her life.


The other argument and probably the one that gets under my skin the most is when I read or hear (especially a woman) say that it makes the woman look weak, desperate or rushed. I don't know about you but it takes a lot of heart to go outside the traditional norms we have already discussed and ask a man to marry you. It also takes a very strong woman to even consider it. We want what we want when we want it. Women are not inferior to men. We are not weak for knowing in our hearts that we want to marry the man we are with. We are not desperate because we choose to not wait for him to ask us, like some feel we should do. 
I know women who want to get married but because they need him to ask, are in a relationship with the same man for 5-8-10-18 years (yes all accurate years of people I know or have heard about) all because they are waiting for him to ask having his kids and all while "playing wife." Now what kind of mess is that? That is a miserable feeling to want to marry the man you love but because of tradition or your family or your friends opinions or societies view on what is normal you are idly sitting around for a proposal. I don't know everything about men but what I do know about women is that- MEN WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO (outside of abuse).  If you want to get married. He's the one. He's obviously not going anywhere, why not propose to him? 
Men fear rejection (thus why they haven't asked you) and then some really are just comfortable shackin up. Ladies you deserve more than that. If you want to get married, I agree give him the chance to ask you. We all want the fairytale proposal we dreamed of as a little girl. I get that. However, there is nothing wrong with you making your dream come true by surprising him and proposing to him. Go for what you want. Make your own fairytale come true with him as your Knight in Shining Armor and propose! Its not wrong. 

Follow your heart always and do what makes YOU happy!




Good reads on the subject









Sunday, November 27, 2016

Yes! Women Can Propose to a Man- Part 1

So I've had the discussion online, namely Facebook, about women proposing to men. The conversation got pretty heated and it was very frustrating for me to see so many men who felt like a man on the receiving end of a proposal as "weak" or "less of a man" if he accepted. It also pissed me off to see women, otherwise very strong women, saying that a woman must be "desperate" or "weak" or "pressed" to ask a man to marry her.

Our daughters are being raised to be strong-minded, independent, goal and career-oriented Queens. We teach them to respect themselves, wait for the right boy/man to give their goodies to and to follow her dreams. If we can teach her all these things, how can we frown on her also choosing her husband and lifelong partner. I have been proposed to probably nine times that I can think of off the top of my head. I have also been married before to a man that proposed to me almost every month before I finally said yes and that ended in divorce so why can't I, as a strong, independent, educated woman, not take the initiative to ask the man the man I want to be my husband and a father figure to my children under our roof to be my husband by proposing to him? I should be able to! 



Women are no longer tied to the traditional roles of being the stay at home mom, making less income then their husbands and not holding prominent positions in business. Women are now top income earners, working more hours than their husbands, buying houses before they have a mate, and raising kids successfully on their own. For new age women, like myself, I like being in control of my future, especially when it involves my children.



I respect the traditions of the man being the head of the house, providing for his family and playing my role as woman in my household. I still hold those traditions dear in my heart and maintain my "role" as a woman in my home now with my boyfriend. However, I am very progressive. I have always gone after what I wanted especially in a relationship. I encourage any woman that has children, especially, and any woman that has been successful, or any woman that has ever been divorced or in an abusive relationship, or any woman who knows deep in her heart that the man you love is the ONE to propose marriage to him. Its not about trending. Its about making the best decision for you, your heart, your children and your life. 

We wanted equal rights. We wanted to feel like we contributed to society. We want to feel successful, accomplished and all the women's rights advantages. Why not be pro-choice in selecting the man you want to spend the rest of your life with and taking the step to being his wife. Its empowering, not weak. Its success, not desperation. Its invigorating, not depressing. A real man will respect your love and commitment to him with his answer- yes (or no) and will see in you a strong, loving, loyal woman.

Some articles that I found interesting on the subject:
http://bruthamag.com/2014/03/04/can-she-propose/

http://www.elcrema.com/2015/12/06/is-it-wrong-for-a-woman-to-propose-to-her-man/2/

http://jezebel.com/5966699/maybe-more-women-would-ask-guys-to-marry-them-if-it-werent-seen-as-such-an-emasculating-bummer

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2619445/If-OK-women-propose-dont-they.html

http://meritalbliss.com/2012/02/should-women-propose-should-men-wear-engagement-rings/


Thursday, November 24, 2016

What a Difference a Year Makes- Happy Thanksgiving!

This time last year I spent the holidays with friends even though I was in an exclusive relationship. The person I was dating didn’t bother to invite me to his family’s house for the holidays. It was a miserable feeling.  Even though I am not big on holidays, this time of the year can be melancholy for lot of people who are in bad relationships, broken homes, live far from family or are single.  I understand the feeling. I felt the disappointment of not being with the one I felt I should have been with. Thankfully for great friends, I got plates delivered to me while I had a nice romantic-me day at home with movies, bottles of wine and lots of much needed rest. Trust me, it wasn’t a depressing day after I realized that being with myself was better than being with someone who really didn’t want me around despite his professed love.



Well this year is different. This year I have been dating a very family-proud, inclusive young man (yes I’m a cougar now…more on that later…giggles*).  He introduced me to his mom the first month we were dating, took me around his friends within weeks and I am included in everything family with him. His mom and I have a good relationship and we are on our way to his moms for our first Thanksgiving together where I will meet his aunt and brother’s families.  It’s so important that, even though I don’t celebrate holidays per say, that I have the opportunity to spend time with someone special and be surrounded by family during times of the year that are set aside for family. There is nothing worse than wanting to be with family or someone you love and can’t or not included.


The holidays are a time for family, friends, love and coming together. It can also be a time for ROMANCE. Couples that are spending this time together should always take time for each other, even if it’s for a stolen moment, to have an intimate moment just the two of them. So during the holidays, exchange lots of kisses, hold hands, reaffirm your love for one another, find a quickie spot to make out and include them during this holiday season the best you can. When you love someone you want to spend time with them during the holidays. Take time to do so even if you can’t spend the whole holiday together. Share this joyous time together and share your love with everyone around you. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Cater to Your Man- part 2

My last blog was part 1 of 2 on Cater to Your Man. The first 3 suggestions were to:
1.  Keep his belly full. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. This is true for all men, regardless of race or age.  Know what he likes and doesn't like and please ladies, fix his plate for him.
2.  Be his biggest cheerleader. Be supportive of him in all he does. Their are going to be times we don't agree with his decisions and that's okay but we should still be supportive of him (as long as its not harmful to your relationship or you) and cheer him on when he is doing great things!
3.  Be there when he needs you. Women tend to be more emotional than men, so when he comes to you in his time of need be accessible and there for him without being judgmental or critical. Let him vent and know that you are his safe haven.

These are the suggestions from my last blog. To continue, we can cater to our man by:
4.  Keep yourself up. Destiny's child said this in their song, Cater 2 U (among other things) and this is so true. Remind him constantly one of the reasons he fell for you. Keep yourself up by exercising, eating right, and being visually stimulating to him. I'm a thick woman so I tend to be a little self conscious but knowing that he loves my thickness and my curves, gives me reason to prance around the house in something sexy or something of his like his favorite jersey or one of his long tee shirts. It turns me on to know he's watching me when I'm in his line of vision. Keeping yourself up is not just for him. Its for you too. Confidence is sexy to men, so keep yourself up and tease him with your sexiness!

5. Give him a massage. When he comes home from a hard days work, take his shoes off, sit him down, let him get relaxed and give him a massage while letting him know you realize how hard he works to support his family. You can do this while he's sitting up or laying down. Relieving the tension in his body is just as important as relieving the tension in his mind by letting him vent to you. Massages have many health benefits too and we always want to be mindful of our man's health. Massage is also a good way to renew or revive intimacy in your relationship.  A good video on couples massage can be found here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZepXJgaYvk.

6. Be attentive. All of us are busy and with technology literally at our fingertips, its easy to get sidetracked or off the focus on our man especially in the comfort of home. However, being attentive is one of the keys to catering to your man because being attentive means recognizing his demeanor, foreseeing his needs, putting down our cell phones, and making sure that he is happy and comfortable. Knowing what  he likes and does not like, knowing what irritates him and gets him upset and knowing when he's hungry or horny are all good things to know so we can be attentive before he gets upset, uncomfortable or irritable. We aren't mind readers but being attentive is a start to reading our man.  
7. Keep it spicy in the bedroom. I'm sure you've heard, "what you won't do someone else will." We want to keep things spicy in the bedroom (and out) by being willing to try new things sexually, giving him control in the bedroom, and not withholding the cookies when you're upset. Sex withdrawal is never a good thing for a man. Try role playing, new positions, and letting your hair down in the bedroom. Giving him control does not mean you can't be aggressive but let a man be a man in the bedroom and out. One thing I have tried is being submissive. I must say it was one of the most intimate, exciting, sexual experiences I've ever had. Ladies, try being submissive in the bedroom and see how it enhances the intimacy, desire, and trust between the two of you.

This are just some of my suggestions for catering to your man. Catering to Your man may require different things, but I hope that my suggestions are universal to all relationships in some way.
Catering to our man is not about doing everything he says or neglecting our own needs, its about letting him know you appreciate him, adore him, and have his back. You can't go wrong when you take the time to CATER TO YOUR MAN and if he's a good man, he will return the favor by catering to you.

Have fun and enjoy!

A good article I stumbled on while looking for pictures was 8 Ways to Make a Man Feel Like a Man. Check it out, http://madamenoire.com/56323/8-ways-to-make-a-man-feel-like-a-man/.



Saturday, September 17, 2016

Cater to Him- Part 1 of 2


I would not write about anything that I don't do myself, so one thing that I have found important to me is catering to my man. Our men are dealing with the stresses of life, providing for his home successfully, and is a respected contributor to his community. When he comes home, he should come home to a woman who appreciates his achievements, loves him for who he is, supports him in all his efforts, and is there to take care of his needs.
Now don't get me wrong, I am sure that some of you immediately thought "taking care of his needs" meant sexually, and that is involved BUT taking care of his needs is about CATERING TO HIM and showing him that he is the man of the house and that you are have his back. Its also about showing your adoration for him in many ways.

3 ways you can cater to your man are:
* Keeping his belly full.  The saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" will never get old. Making sure he is fed and fixing things you know he loves says a lot to a man. Also knowing what he does not eat, is equally important. When you cook for your man, cook out of love not out of obligation. The meal and the gesture will be perfect everytime if you do it because you want to and because you want to make sure he is satisfied.



* Be his biggest cheerleader! When he has somethng he is excited about, be excited with him. Our men face enough adversity outside the home, so we don't want him to face that when he comes home. Support him in his efforts especially when they are great ones and be his biggest cheerleader, standing by his side and rooting him on every chance of the way. If you are his biggest cheerleader, trust me (if he's a good man) then he will be your biggest supporter too.



* Be there when he needs you. As women, we tend to be the emotional ones. Men are usually passive but are all about action and doing what needs to be done. If he hits a rough patch, having a hard day, needs to vent, or gets emotional, then be there for him when he needs you. The fact that he comes to you in times of need or just to talk to you about what's on his mind says a lot about how he feels about you. Let him come to you without judging him, giving your feedback or trying to solve his problems. Listen attentively, let him know you are there for him, and be a partner in the resolution.  Men need to be problem solvers so don't tell him what to do but if he's open to suggestions, make them respectfully and be supportive with the decisions he makes (as long as they are positive and not harmful to you). You also have the right to disagree with choices without withdrawing your support for him by still being there for him when he needs you.  

These are just 3 ways you can cater to your man. Tune in for next blog on Catering to Your Man along with some of my favorite songs on the subject!


Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Its National Feel the Love Day!



Today is National Feel the Love Day! Now some of you might be wondering where this "day" came from, and quite frankly, I asked myself the same question for a quick second when I heard it this morning on Streetz 103.3. But that question instantly turned into a smile because my romantic mind started fluttering and instantly I started blushing. That is what the opportunity to be ROMANTIC does for me. Like Valentine's, I love the concept of a day to dedicate to the person you love and cherish. However, in my heart of hearts everyday should be Valentine's Day and every moment should be about feeling the love!

Its so important that we let the people in our lives know how much we love them. This is not just true for our spouse or mate but also for our kids, parents, friends and family. I know that in this moment I am thinking about my father who passed away May 2, 2014. I remember how many times I told him I loved him up until his last breath. Feeling the love is not just about showing it but expressing it as well. I know that my father passed knowing that I loved him despite all else. We never know when someone we love is going to be gone so we always want to say I Love You as much as possible and show in it our actions.



When life gets rough, we are stressed or we are just having a bad day it is always good to come home to someone that loves you. That is one thing I miss about being married, is knowing that there is someone home waiting for me. However, I just as important as the love that comes from an intimate partner is the love that comes from your children. The love my kids give me on a daily basis is perfect, unconditional and the best love a woman could ask for. So today for Feel the Love Day make sure your children know just how much you love them as well.



I'm happy that another day has been dedicated to LOVE especially in this cruel world we live in but it is very important to show love for our special someone every day. Since this is Take Your Man on a Date Month here are some ways to show your man how much you love him with more than just words because 1) Men are Visual, 2) Men are Impulsive and 3) Men are from Mars!

1. Give Him Your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.  If you are constantly checking your phone and focusing on something else, it may interpret to him that "he is not important." Take time to focus on him and give him your undivided attention. This says to him that he is your priority and that you love him.
2. Cook his FAVORITE MEAL.  "The way to a mans heart is through his belly." This old saying has never failed. Knowing what he likes to eat and cooking his food the way he likes it, is a sure way to show you love him. Knowing that he doesn't like onions in his food, or sugar in his grits or even prefers Hot Sauce over A1 sauce on his steak is significant because it shows you are paying attention to the details and want to please him. Now if he is the man that loves anything you cook, then add dessert. Its nothing like the baked smell of a sweet smelling apple pie or chocolate cake to get his attention and a ROMANTIC night started.
3.  Wear the lingerie or that dress he loves. Yes men are visual! So when we take the time to doll up and get sexy for him. Taking the time to get sexy for him shows him that you still desire him and his response will let you know he still desires you too. Add red to the outfit and you have a win-win. Studies show that red is a aphrodisiac to men so get out that red dress or bra and panty set and show him that loving him comes with rewards.


4. Compliment Him. Genuine compliments on his looks, strengths and accomplishments show him that you admire him, which equates to love. Letting him know you see him the way he wants to be seen is important- as a provider, partner, father, handyman and sex symbol (in your eyes). Complimenting him not only confirms all the hard work he is doing for you and your family and as the man he wants to be for you (and himself) but it also says to him that you are happy with choosing Him to be Your man.
5.  Ask for His Advice. Men are problem solvers. Asking his opinion and asking him for advice shows that you value his opinion, you trust him, and that you need his input on what goes on in your life.  When a man feels he can fix something, according to a leading relationship doctor, he feels "competent and useful." This is important to ALL men. Being an independent woman is a good thing but showing that you need your man (in a healthy way) speaks volumes to him and shows you value his advice and love him.
6.  Thank him for the Little Things. When he does something, acknowledge it and let him know you appreciate him. This will make him feel good and boost his energy. Our men have a lot on their shoulders so showing him that you see what he is doing and it means something, is a lot to them. 
7.  Give Him a Hug. Its all good to give him a nice peck or a pat on the butt but a long lingering hug can do magic. Men are physical and connect through touch (just as much as women).  Taking the time to hold him and letting your body heat, energy and bodies stay intertwined for a moment can really give him something to think about and something to look forward to later.  It also radiates LOVE in so many powerful ways.
8.  Have a Quickie. Yes I said it. Its great to have long passionate love making sessions but a quickie can stimulate his pleasure and reward center that is released every time a man has sex. Women release oxytocin and men release dopamine. Homework: Research why this is a good thing for men. (giggles*). So don't frown on a quickie session. It can be quite healthy for him and being concerned about his health is definitely a sign of Love.


9.  Let Him Vent. When men have something to say, let them say it. We tend to be the chatty ones and wanting to talk about our emotions. When a man comes to you wanting to vent that says alot mainly because men like to be emotionally neutral. Let him vent without interrupting or trying to fix things. This lets him know you care and that you are a safe haven for him. When a man feels that he can come to you and talk to you about anything then he is relaxed, comfortable and feeling your good love for him. 

These are just a few tips that I picked up when reading this article on Womens Day, http://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/g1040/how-to-show-a-man-you-love-him/?slide=11. I will be sharing some more tips throughout September for Take Your Man on a Date month. Until then share some of your ways you show your man you love him.




Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Its That Time Again- September is Take Your Man on a Date Month


Last year was the first time I heard about this special romantic holiday and I took full advantage of it by taking out the guy that I was dating at the time. We had a great time and even though it was not the first time I had treated him out to dinner, he still appreciated it just as much.

Men have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders- taking care of home, being father to our children, trying to make us happy everyday, and rising above the adversities of a pretty messed up social and political climate right now. Men deserve to be treated out and given special attention for all their efforts, hard work and commitment. One thing all men need is to feel needed so feeling needed and then being shown appreciation for all they do and all they are to us, is an even bigger thing for them!



As women we have so many opportunities to be spoiled. Men deserve these opportunities too. Their is the expectation that men are supposed to pursue us, ROMANCE us, court us, and be the provider- and that is all true. However, as women we have to support, love and respect in return. We can do that by showing him that we care about his wants and desires, are interested in the things that mean something to him, and treating him out on a date every once in a while!

So its August 30th, start planning a date night catered to your man and show him how much you adore and appreciate all he does and is to you. I promise he will appreciate it!



To read last years blog go to http://romancequeen101.blogspot.com/2015/09/september-is-take-man-on-date-month.html.



Thursday, August 11, 2016

Pay Attention to Body Language

Yesterday's blog was on kissing on the first date. To further the discussion on dating, we have to consider- BODY LANGUAGE.  When dating someone its really important to not just listen to them when they are talking, be attentive to their mannerisms and take every opportunity to get to know them, but it is also important especially in the early stages of dating to pay attention to the person's body language. A persons body language can answer questions you might be thinking without actually asking such as are they attracted to you? Are they interested in what you have to say? Are they sincerely interested in learning about you? Are they bored? Are they enjoying themselves? and guess what, Will they mind if you kiss or hug them?


If a person remains close to you, touches you lightly, smiles a lot, gives you eye contact, focuses on your lips when you talk to them and lets you touch the small of their back when you are walking, then this is a pretty great date that could definitely end in a kiss!
But, if a person keeps their distance, moves out of your reach, yawns or keeps looking away, is not giving you their undivided attention (especially checking or texting on their cellphone) and shy away when you go to hold their hand or touch you then your date is probably not that into you and I would not even attempt a hug!



Body language says a lot especially to a respectful man, so pay attention to your dates body language when you are out with them to make sure that you are not only keeping their interest but also before you make the first move to touch, hug or kiss them. A person that is into you will show it in the way they look, engage and focus on you. They will also show if they are not too. Pay attention to body language and you will find out (without words) where you stand. 


Now some people are hard to read or might be giving mix signals OR they might be verbally saying one thing but their body language says another. If this is the case, ask before going into their personal space and take it SLOWER. Mixed signals could be a sign of shyness, insecurity, mixed feelings about their attraction to you or not or something else not yet established. Either way, mixed signals are a sign to not invade their personal space and to take your time and because I am an advocate for No Means No. If a persons body language is saying their not interested or they aren't comfortable with you being in their personal space, then respect it, give them space, and let them lead this part of the date. 

To give your input on my dating questions visit my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/romancequeen101. See you there!

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

First Date- Kiss or Not?

You meet someone, you decide to go out on a date and it goes well. You have a good conversation. Dinner is awesome! You even share dessert. One party is expressing a more interest than the other. The man walks the lady to her car, like a true gentleman , and they hug. Now here is the part where it can get awkward. I am all about showing public displays of affection, showing your gratitude after a date and letting a person know that you are interested in seeing them again. That in my mind, is a successful first date and dates ideally. However, is it okay to kiss on the first date?



As the true romantic I am, I think that if the vibe is there and you are setting up a second date and really had natural chemistry then a kiss is okay. But, if you are not sure about a second date, the date was more awkward then enjoyable and you are not quite sure if their is any chemistry than you should hold on the kiss. I believe in being polite on a first date and when dating someone because if you aren't sure but open to seeing them again then you don't want to turn them off by refusing their hug or their kiss to the point of hurting their feelings or turning them off from wanting to pursue something more, so I think its safe that if you aren't sure, to give or allow a sweet tender kiss on the cheek that says, yes, I welcome your affection but I am not quite ready to take that step.


In my opinion, kissing is very intimate. In my blog titled 10 Ways to Be Intimate I talked about ways to be intimate with your partner. Kissing is very intimate. A key can say so many things in the passion of the moment. A simple kiss on the cheek can say I care about you and am attracted to and like your presence on a first date. However, a kiss on the mouth can say that I really want to get to know you, I want more from you (date or sexual) and I would like to pursue more. Now, their are different types of kisses we all know so a kiss on the mouth that involves tongue can say Wow, you're great, I am seriously feeling you and I definitely want to spend more time with you AND you are super sexy and I want you. All kisses can be passionate, most are ROMANTIC and they all say that I want you. Be careful about the degree that you kiss someone on the first date because just like the actual date itself, it sets the tone for future dates and the intimacy and passion that will come from this new journey you possibly are embarking on together.

 
For me kissing is a big deal especially when it involves tongue, so I am very careful about who I kiss in that manner, but I am also a very affectionate romantic and love a gentle kiss on the cheek and the response it sets off- lots of smiling, blushing and excitement. Enjoy your first date and if it ends in a kiss then you are on your way to something that could lead to ROMANCE and Love.

To hear what my Facebook friends had to say about kissing on the first date, visit my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/romancequeen101.  

Friday, July 8, 2016

State of Affairs- Call to Love Thy Neighbors

I haven't written in a while but felt the need to write today. I was on Facebook today and saw a number of posts about the latest police killings. One was of a young man shot several times by a police officer while in the car with his girlfriend and her child. According to the girlfriend the boyfriend, Philando Castille, told the officer that he had a pistol in his pocket and had a license to carry. The police didn't give him a chance to get his license and shot and killed him. The video can be seen here on Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=diamond%20lavish%20reynolds and here on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7h2j0n18jg.  




Then another man, Alton Sterling, was killed selling CDs outside a Baton Rouge convenience store by two police officers and it was caught on tape. Mr. Sterling did not have a gun in his hand and was shot at close range. To see the video, go view it on
YouTube here, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBZPCDqymyo.  




These killings by police are 2 of hundreds of senseless police killings. When my daughter got in trouble with me I took her to the police station to teach her a lesson: when you do bad things the consequence could be jail. I remember the police saying, "I don't want her to be scared of me." I thought about that many times after because did he say that because he genuinely meant that he didn't want my child to fear him because I was reprimanding her and disciplining her and because he wanted her to know that their were "consequences for her actions" as he told her or did he say that because of the state of affairs in our society revolved around police?

Either way, it is hard not to fear police in today's climate. Can you honestly say that You do not fear the police? Can you say that you trust the police not to hurt, shoot or kill you during a normal traffic stop like that of Philando for a bad tail light? What about if you are a vendor (licensed or not) selling something and a police officer approaches you, like in the case of Alton? Do you fear your safety immediately? What do you do when you come face to face with a police officer nowadays?

Even tho these killings are mainly of black men, these killings affect everyone- black and white. I am not against Black Lives Matter or the fact that a lot of these cases are the result of racial profiling. However, I am about All Lives Matter and the fact that these killings are not just about the color of skin its about the state of affairs of our communities, our country, our livelihood, our peace of mind, and our futures. 

I write about Love and Romance, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to write about Love in concerns of the state of affairs of our country regarding these police killings. These killings are causing black people to fear and hate the police. These killings are teaching young black men and blacks specifically to hate white people. These killings are causing a racial divide among races at a rate that I'm sure is paramount to when our parents were growing up. Hate is replacing Love in our community against a system that was put in place to protect everyone- not just blacks. Instead of lynching black men, they are shooting them and not suffering the consequences of their murderous actions. Instead of raping black women, the police are killing their husbands and their fathers. This is Hate not Love.

The difference between now and our parents time is that their is a new breed of children who are going to fight back. Who are not going to sit down and just take what is going on. The children of today are also carrying guns and shooting the police (some justifiably and some not). This is another form of Hate that our children are growing up with. 

I can't fathom the state of affairs for our country and our communities in the next five years. Its bad now. Can you imagine how much worse it will be in another five years? So what can we do about it?
What do we teach our kids about the police now? What do we tell our young black men when they walk out the door in the morning to go to work? What do we tell our sons when they wear a hoodie to go to the store for us? How do WE feel when we see an officer out in public? What do we do when an officer pulls us over for a busted tail light?   These are all questions I am sure you are asking and will discuss with your family and children but these should be questions that should be discussed with your local sheriff and police department heads too. Come together to talk about the state of affairs in Your community. Take action to ensure the safety of Your children in Your community and do something about what's going on in the streets that you frequent with your family and your husbands, fathers, and sons. This would be an act of Love for Your community, your state, your country. "Love Thy Neighbor," is a commandment from God but it seems many have forgotten that commandment. Please don't be one of those ones that turns to hate when we can turn to Love to improve the state of affairs right next door. Black Lives Do Matter, but doesn't everyone's around us? Make a Difference and Love Thy Neighbor by Taking Action in Your Community.




Related articles:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/07/06/video-captures-white-baton-rouge-police-officer-fatally-shooting-black-man-sparking-outrage/
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/07/06/alton-sterling-father-of-five-one-more-black-man-shot-down-by-american-police.html
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/minnesota-officers-fatal-shooting-philando-castile-identified-n605701
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/07/07/minn-cop-fatally-shoots-man-during-traffic-stop-aftermath-broadcast-on-facebook/
http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/05/us/trayvon-martin-shooting-fast-facts/

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

School is Almost Out!

The kids are about to get out for the summer and many are going to summer camp or off to inlaws and family. However, the big question is what are You going to do with your summer while the children are having fun and out of school? 


For me, the summer is a big deal because the twins go with their dad for the entire summer. I am a single mom so two and a half months of being kid free is like a kid in a toy factory with so much to choose from. Last year I didn't do much but this year I would love to do a few things! There is also a big difference between last year and this year- I am not single!

If you are single, then that's okay. This might be the summer that you get your groove back on an exotic vacation planned for you and your girls (or your boys) but their is nothing wrong with having a fantastic vacation as a single woman or man. We all deserve a vacation especially during the summer months like all the other normal people! So if you don't already have a plan for something to do this summer, plan something- big or small- mini weekend or week long- plan it. School is almost out and that means vacation time is right around the corner!



If you are in a relationship that means that the possibilities just doubled. Double fun and double the budget (hopefully)! This summer, my beau and I are planning to hit Carowinds for his first time, the beach, hopefully a beach I haven't been to before and definitely a couples trip to the ATL. You never know we might be able to fit one more mini vacation in there somewhere. No matter what you do with your significant other, always always find time to add romance to your vacation. More on that in my next blog post.



School is almost out so take advantage of those swimsuit sales and summer blowouts and plan a great vacation!

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Be Direct! Don't Categorize.

Am I the only one when on a dating site and a persons tagline says "hello ladies" or "welcome ladies" or "looking for women" that gets turned off? Or when someone is talking to you about what they want from you but they say "what I want from my woman is," or "my future wife will be" or "I will do these things for her in a relationship" you're thinking he must not want me or he's not too sure about what he wants yet? This can be confusing both ways- man to woman and vice versa. Be direct. If the person you are talking to is front of you, talk to them. Not around them. Not in scenarios. Not in future terms with some future perfect mate. Talk to the person in front of you.


Its much more ROMANTIC for the person you are dating to talk to you directly and tell you what they want for your future with them then to talk about some fictitious person that the two of you haven't even met yet.

Take these two conversations:

Convo 1:
I really want a woman that I can come home to that makes me smile every time I see her. I want a woman that I can text throughout the day and I can't wait to come home too. I will know that she is the one when all I want is her and I stop looking for something more.

Convo 2:
I have been waiting for a woman like you. You make me smile every time I see you. I can see myself coming home to you everyday. I love that when I think about you I can text you or call you and you respond right away. I really feel that you might be the One for me because I don't want anyone else but you. I've stopped searching. 

The first conversation would lead the person you are conversing with to think that maybe she is not the person you want because you are not being direct. Whereas the second conversation is direct. You are letting her know that you feel all these things for her directly. You are not putting her in a category with other women. You are letting her know that she is the one woman that you are talking about, want, desire and are speaking of.


Sometimes we talk in third person or are not direct for several reasons: We are afraid of their reaction. We are afraid that being direct might be too much. We are afraid that maybe the other person doesn't feel the same. We are not sure ourselves if the person we are talking to is the person we want. There are many reasons why we aren't direct or we talk about our needs and wants in a category of women and men, future or her, but if the person you are talking IS the person you are talking about- then be DIRECT and talk TO them not at them. If they are not the person you are talking about then be careful how you say things so you don't possibly offend them or make them feel like they aren't or can't be the person you desire.



Monday, April 25, 2016

Tribute to Prince

It was shocking when I got a text from a friend girl of mine telling me that Prince had died. At first I was like is this another social media scheme but then this was Prince we were talking about. He wasn't an artist that did schemes and he was definitely not one that you heard negative media about so as I opened my Facebook and saw all the posts about Prince dying, I knew it was true. This was one of the post I shared on my page, http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/7341522/prince-dead.



Prince was a very private man but one thing about Prince that I adored was that he was a very sensual, passionate, loved by many, had fans from all ages and cultures, believed in God and made music that everyone could identify with. He had a lot of great songs but he also made a lot of ROMANTIC/Love songs such as (in no particular order):
1. Adore
2. If I was Your Girlfriend- my all time favorite Prince song!
3. When 2 Are in Love
4. The Beautiful Ones
5. Purple Rain
6. When Doves Cry
7. Condition of the Heart
8. Forever in My Life
9. The One
10. Do Me Baby
11. Girl
12. Insatiable
13. Scandalous
14. The Passion


some celebrity tributes that were very touching were on CNN http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/21/entertainment/celebrities-react-prince-death/index.html and Saturday Night Live http://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/tv/prince-honored-special-saturday-night-live-tribute-hosted-jimmy-fallon-n561161.


Please share your reaction to Prince's passing here in comments.