Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Yes Women Can Propose to Men or Can They

So when the subject of women proposing comes up the conversation gets pretty heated and emotional. What is the big deal about women proposing to men?

Well for most, its not the traditional way. Ever since the beginning of time, the expectation was that the man would court the woman and the woman would wait for the man to pursue her and blah blah blah. Those times are gone! Women are more aggressive these days and not afraid to express interest in a man. 
Yes, traditionally the man proposed to the woman, but that was tradition. Tradition is always in the past. This is 2016 going on 2017. Some things in the past are no longer seen as the norm and for women, choosing a mate and who she marries is her choice. Not her parents. Not the church. Hers. Women are no longer asking for their parents opinion on who to marry. They meet a guy. They date said guy. They commit to said guy. They fall in love and when they get engaged, they tell their parents. 
People also like to throw up the Bible and God in this conversation. As a spiritual woman I am well versed in the Bible. No where in the Bible does it say that the man has to propose and that the man has to choose his mate by himself. Marriage is a commitment made between TWO people- the man AND the woman. The intended husband in the Bible did have to ask for her hand in marriage and go through several rituals to win her hand. However, no where in the Bible is their a rule that the husband has to be the one to propose. Nowhere. Their is an account however in the Bible where women switched roles and one such one was in the case of Ruth and Boaz. Ruth proposed marriage to Boaz when she approached him at his bedside. She was offering herself to him to be his wife. The Bible speaks of a man loving his wife as himself, a woman respecting her husband and husband and wife becoming one. I do not recall a scripture saying the man must propose to the woman. 

Another argument I hear about why women should not propose is because it "emasculates the man" and to "let a man be a man." What really does that mean? Does this mean that a man is weak if a woman proposes to him and he accepts. Does it mean that because the man did not propose to the woman first that makes him a punk or less of a man? Or does this mean that because the woman stepped forward to ask him to be her husband, that makes him the weaker link in the relationship?  This is all false. If a man is considered weak for accepting the role to be the head of her household and lead her and her children, then I would hate to see what else makes him weak. If he is less of a man for accepting a proposal from a woman who obviously feels he's worth being her King or getting romanced or surprised with such a grand gesture then maybe he's not ready to marry a woman who is proving she is strong enough to be his Queen. 
Accepting a woman's proposal does not emasculate a man or take away the fact that he is THE MAN. It only means to the woman that he is worthy of her forever commitment, the father role of her children and the leadership of her castle. That's it. If you do some research their were Queens who chose their husbands to rule beside them, not the other way around. I am big on ROMANCE. Its nothing wrong with the woman taking this step to surprise, honor and ROMANCE the man in her life.

The other argument and probably the one that gets under my skin the most is when I read or hear (especially a woman) say that it makes the woman look weak, desperate or rushed. I don't know about you but it takes a lot of heart to go outside the traditional norms we have already discussed and ask a man to marry you. It also takes a very strong woman to even consider it. We want what we want when we want it. Women are not inferior to men. We are not weak for knowing in our hearts that we want to marry the man we are with. We are not desperate because we choose to not wait for him to ask us, like some feel we should do. 
I know women who want to get married but because they need him to ask, are in a relationship with the same man for 5-8-10-18 years (yes all accurate years of people I know or have heard about) all because they are waiting for him to ask having his kids and all while "playing wife." Now what kind of mess is that? That is a miserable feeling to want to marry the man you love but because of tradition or your family or your friends opinions or societies view on what is normal you are idly sitting around for a proposal. I don't know everything about men but what I do know about women is that- MEN WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO (outside of abuse).  If you want to get married. He's the one. He's obviously not going anywhere, why not propose to him? 
Men fear rejection (thus why they haven't asked you) and then some really are just comfortable shackin up. Ladies you deserve more than that. If you want to get married, I agree give him the chance to ask you. We all want the fairytale proposal we dreamed of as a little girl. I get that. However, there is nothing wrong with you making your dream come true by surprising him and proposing to him. Go for what you want. Make your own fairytale come true with him as your Knight in Shining Armor and propose! Its not wrong. 

Follow your heart always and do what makes YOU happy!

Good reads on the subject

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