Friday, November 20, 2015

10 Ways to Be Intimate

Someone asked me how can they can be intimate without being sexual. Below I have suggested 10 ways to be intimate (and maybe sexual too).


1. Be affectionate. Sometimes being affectionate is what you need. Touch is something that everyone needs whether its hugging, holding hands, kissing or rubbing. Touch is a way to express your appreciation, admiration and attraction to the person you love. Even in the middle of an argument or a bad day, a close hug for 30 seconds can make the situation better. Try it. It works!

2. Express yourself openly. Sometimes we hold back when we are talking to people but when it comes to communicating with our partner we should be able to talk about everything, no matter how big or small it is. Trusting your partner with detailed information about our past and our dreams and desires is important. By doing so, we open the door for our partners to reciprocate and trust us with their details too.


3. Tell someone why you love and appreciate them. Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily routines that we forget to tell the people sharing our daily lives with us that we love and appreciate them. Even more, we forget to tell them why we love and appreciate them and show that we love and appreciate them. Having the reassurance of knowing your loved and appreciated by your partner makes everything else worth it!


4. Make time for your mate. A couple blogs ago we talked about Date Night and the importance of making time. Refer back to this blog and make time for your mate as much as possible!


5. Try something new (in and out the bedroom) together. Trying something new with your partner gives you the opportunity to talk about new subjects you might not have addressed before, fulfill fantasies, learn something new about each other and go places you never thought you would. Doing this for the first time together gives you an experience together that has never been shared with anyone else! Agree to open yourself to enjoy the experience even if you don't do it again! You can't get more intimate than that.

6. Make love. There is a difference between just having sex, a quickie on your lunch break, or the F word. Make love to your partner by giving the full experience of foreplay, passionate kissing, exploring each others bodies, taking your time, pleasing each other (not just yourself),finding your rhythm as a couple, and hopefully climaxing together.


7. Write a love letter. If you are like me, you often can express yourself better from writing. I also like the look on someones face when I hand them a letter. Its more personal then texting or sending them a message on Facebook. It actually takes more time as well, so writing a love letter can be more intimate in nature because you are able to take more time to write and go back over your words before you pass it on for the person intended to read it. I also tend to say things in a letter that I am too shy to say face to face. So take a moment to put your thoughts on paper and (stationary would be even better) and let your emotions take on new meaning. Its also nice for the person who receives it to have it to read over and over :).


8. Look into each others eyes. When was the last time you stopped and actually looked into your partners eyes (or looked at them period)? I know that when the man I am dating stops me in my tracks, turns me to face him and looks in my eyes I melt... literally. Seeing the love and appreciation in your mates eyes is not only intimate but romantic too. It can spark something deep down inside (and between your legs) that needed to resurface (or appear for the first time). Its a way of saying without words that I notice you and depending on the depth you find in your partners eyes you can see their attraction and hunger for you too. Looking into each other eyes is also a sign of respect and understanding when you are talking to each other. Its way better than turning your back when someone is talking to you! Try it and watch the fireworks explode!



9. Listen without judgment. One thing we want to avoid is being critical and judgemental of each other. So when our partner is communicating openly we want to listen openly without judging, responding or being critical. Sometimes a person just needs to vent and get some things off their chest and the person they chose to do that with is- You, their partner. Even if you feel some kind of way about what they say refrain from reacting while they are talking (even non verbally if you can) and just listen. When they are finished feel free to ask if you can respond or make a suggestion or hug or hold them (if they aren't already cuddled under you or reaching for you). Having someone just listen can be free therapy. I know it is for me. It is also an intimate act to just lend your ear and listen respectfully to your mate and what's on their mind. 

10. Add ROMANCE to your relationship. Last but not least, being intimate often more than not is a chance to be romantic and add some ROMANCE to your relationship. Refer to the crash course and past blog posts. 


This month try all of these suggestions and come back and tell me how it went here and on my Facebook page. 


Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Learn How to Be Intimate with Your Partner

When a person mentions "intimacy" they immediately think sex but being intimate is more about emotions and feelings then sexual intercourse. Intimacy is defined as closeness. Some synonyms for intimacy are togetherness, familiarity, affection, warmth, rapport and confidence. So intimacy can be defined as having a strong connection with someone that you are fond of that you can share your deepest feelings and emotions with that you trust to reciprocate their feelings and emotions with mutual respect. It also involves being there for someone when they need you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The important part of being intimate with someone is that they are intimate back. You can not  be intimate by yourself. It takes two. 

Some people can have good relationships but not be intimate. Intimacy can be expressed without using words, but words are the core of intimacy  because it is about expression. It involves sharing a whole range of feelings not just about your relationship but about you as a person, what makes you happy or sad, opposing views, and other more personal topics that you won't entrust talking about to just anyone.  Being intimate is often more difficult for men because they are not big communicators or easily able to express their feelings as well as women but men must realize that the more intimate you become with your partner, the more you are able to understand your partner for who they are, including their beliefs, desires, wants, needs and more. Intimacy also gives you an open door to being more romantic with the person that you choose to be with because you are learning about them and what makes them happy, sad, and turns them on or off. It also shows a side of you that women crave for in their mate and can set you apart from the other men in her life. Any man can come along and date you and have sex with you but not every man can learn the deepest part of your being and hear whats on your mind and ultimately in your heart.




I always bring up this quote, but its relevant for so many things. It is true that "actions speak louder than words" but when it comes to intimacy WORDS ARE POWERFUL. Words are what explain the reasons, motivations, outcomes and future actions of a person to another. Its the best form of communication. It is also the best way to express ROMANCE because once you speak it or write it, its set in stone and priceless. Actions can be done and actions can be taken but sometimes actions can be undone or reversed by the words that you sincerely say. 


Being intimate can happen in many ways but some ways to be more intimate or enhance your intimacy is to:

* Be positive about your relationship. Do not assume the other knows. Openly express how you feel about your relationship and never forget to say I Love You and I Appreciate You.
* Create opportunities to be intimate and create ROMANCE. Take out time for each other, just the two of you. Easier said than done but important for your relationship to thrive and grow. 
* Practice making statements in the first person with "I." One thing I hate is for someone to tell me how I feel or what I am doing. Instead of saying "You don't make time for me," try saying "I would like for us to make more time for each other." Instead of saying "You don't understand" try saying "I think I should explain better."
* Consider each others feelings not just your own. Remember intimacy takes two. You can not have intimacy without another person so consider each others feelings not just your own. Share your feelings openly and do not interrupt your partner when they are trying to do the same thing. Be respectful of each other and understand that you don't always have to share views or agree.
* Know that being intimate is more about words than sex and that intimacy can lead to better sex! Intimate acts of affection such as holding each other at night while you go to sleep, hugging, holding each others hands and the oh so intimate kiss are great ways to  be intimate! 

Some blog post to refresh on:

Couples Be Supportive of Each Other
Date Night- Make it a Priority
Communicate

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Monday, November 2, 2015

Communicate

Wiki uses the words purposeful, information, convey, meaning and shared when defining COMMUNICATION. All of those words are important to communication. Communication is purposeful. It gives us the opportunity to share purposeful information to someone that we have a relationship with. For the purpose of this blog, we use communication to convey our feelings, intent, purpose and other meaningful ideas and thoughts. This is a shared or two way task. Communication takes two. The person talking and the person listening. Listening is a tool that is sometimes ignored. Hearing someone talk and actually listening are two different things. When you hear someone you can hear their voice, you might hear their words, but you are not really comprehending or absorbing what they are saying. Listening means that you are not only hearing their voice but you can sense the tone and emotion in their voice. You are not only hearing their words, you are understanding and processing what they are saying. Listening also means not interrupting the other person who is talking. I admit, when I am listening to someone, I am already formulating a response. In doing so, sometimes, I miss the rest of what they are saying. This is not effective listening. Listening involves listening to everything the person has to say without thinking of a response or interrupting what they are saying by interjecting. Effective listening is allowing a person to complete their thought and then responding. 

I remember when I was getting married, my cousin yelled at me, "Communicate!" Communication in relationships is probably on the top of the list of complaints among partners. Communication usually has roots back to childhood. If a husband was raised in a home where no one expressed their emotions and they didn't talk about problems in the home, then more than likely he will carry this form of (or lack of) communication into his marriage. If he has a wife, where she constantly heard I love you and they talked about everything, then she most likely will be the same in her marriage. You can already see how this can be a problem for this couple. The wife may get frustrated with the husband for not expressing himself and she might feel like he doesn't love her because he never expresses it. The husband may become overwhelmed with all of her expressions of her feelings and frustrated when he can't find the words to reply. Communication can seriously divide a relationship if both do not know how to communicate with each other effectively.


Another issue I have heard of in relationships is that they do not talk about things outside the home/marriage that bother them until it becomes an issue. For example, both partners in a relationship have a demanding job. They agreed to not bring work home with them but yet the wife has been having bad days at work and comes home angry and frustrated. The husband doesn't know why but yet she doesn't talk about work like they agreed. by Friday she's yelling at him for little things when its really work that is bothering her. In this case, work is effecting their relationship and should be expressed to her husband to avoid the blow up that could have been avoided. Whenever something occurs in a partners life that may effect the relationship, it should be discussed, period. 


It is very obvious that men and women communicate differently. Women are more emotional, naturally. Men are more straight forward, clear and blunt. Knowing the difference in how men and women talk is important to those that are in relationships. However, sometimes, the roles reverse and the woman can be straight forward and blunt and less emotional and the man can be the more emotional and expressive one. Learning each other's communication style is important. Learning to communicate and draw each other's emotions, feelings and concerns out is important.  If you are not big on words, then find ways to show how you feel and what you want.


You know that saying "actions speak louder than words." That's true in most cases but sometimes you need the actions to back up the words. There is another saying :Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no." Always say what you mean and mean what you say. Communication is important in relationships for several reasons: 

1) It reduces assumptions.
2) Its a way of expressing your thoughts, emotions, ideas, wants, desires and everything else.
3) It leads to better understanding.
4) It opens up an exchange of ideas. 
5) It leads to trust.
6) It outlines expectations.
7) Helps you to understand each other.

The benefits of communicating versus not communicating far outweigh each other. If your relationship is lacking good communication then a number of problems can arise including: mistrust, lack of intimacy, assumptions about the other partner, isolation of partners from one another, and affairs. Please note: Good communication is NOT yelling, cussing, name calling or abusive. If communication is a problem in a relationship here are some ways to improve it:

* talk more throughout the day
* discuss each others work day
* plan activities together for the family and for the two of you
* discuss discipline for the children together
* have family meetings
* plan date nights for just the two of you
* seek counseling
* find non verbal ways to express yourself
* go to bed together
* have breakfast together
* never go to bed mad at each other
* do not talk to others about your relationship (unknowingly- its okay to have someone to confide in but always talk to your partner first)



So where does ROMANCE come into play with communication. Everything that has to do with ROMANCE is communicating your love and admiration for your significant other! You can communicate your love through text messages throughout the day saying "I miss you," "I love you," and "I'm thinking about you." If you work away from home on a regular, video chat so you can see each others smile and face on a regular or before you go to bed. Send flowers with a sweet card to express how you feel about them. Pick up a card on the way home that says something new to your partner. Plan date night together discussing things you both like to do. Take time every day to talk one on one about everything and anything. Being romantic is all about COMMUNICATING how you feel. Take time today to set up a romantic atmosphere at home to communicate how you feel about each other. Its never too late to improve your communication. Everyone can benefit from it!



Good read links:
http://2012books.lardbucket.org/books/public-speaking-practice-and-ethics/s07-01-listening-vs-hearing.html
http://www.gbophb.org/center-for-health/resources/successful-relationshipscommunication-skills/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/04/01/6-ways-men-and-women-communicate-differently/