Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Beginners Crash Course to Romance

Many people are not hopeless romantics like I would call myself. Yet, we all have the potential to being romantic and adding ROMANCE to our intimate relationships. If you are not the romantic "type" or you are but want to enhance your romantic touch, then let's go on a crash course to get you started on the right track. 

First lets start by reviewing our definition for ROMANCE at one of my first blog postings, http://romancequeen101.blogspot.com/2014/12/what-is-romance.html. We defined ROMANCE as "Romance is HOW you express your affection for your partner IN ADDITION to your normal, everyday routine. Going above and beyond what she expects on a daily basis." So let's start there. Know the definition of ROMANCE and that it means EXPRESS YOURSELF. Do not be afraid to be sensitive, mushy, or silly for expressing how you feel with your words and actions. Make a habit of positively expressing how you feel on a regular basis (and its nice if you notice when their is a change such as a new haircut or pair of shoes that look great on them!). Compliments, terms of endearment, text messages to say you're thinking about your special someone and I Love You all are perfect ways to express yourself romantically to your special someone.

Second, remember that the person you are dating, married to or interested in is special to you and they should be treated as such. Be MOTIVATED by the admiration you have for your special someone to express to them in different ways that they are indeed special to You. In a previous blog post we talked about the Motivation for ROMANCE at http://romancequeen101.blogspot.com/2014/12/what-motivates-romance.html. "LOVE is the motivation for romance and ROMANCE is the motivation for love. When you love someone you want to do things for them to show how much you care for them, how much you appreciate them, and how much you desire them to remain in your life. You want them to know how much you LOVE them through your ACTIONS." Whether you have reached the level or love or a very big like, you chose this person for a reason. Show that reason through your actions. Their is the old saying that never dies, "Action speaks louder than words" but let me add this, "but your words reinforce your actions." Let your Love for your special person MOTIVATE you to want to do actions that show your affection for them and let your words be the reinforcement they need to understand and confirm the actions you put forth. For some actions may be enough but its nothing better than someone doing something loving for you or with you and then saying those three words, I Love You or I Adore You or I Like You. 

Next, KNOW your special someone by listening to them, paying attention to their likes and dislikes, being understanding, compassionate and empathetic. KNOWing the person you want to be romantic with is vital. Not everyone is the same and as we mentioned earlier this person is new, interesting, captivated your attention and is SPECIAL. Never miss an opportunity to get to know the person that you are dating, courting or married to. A famous saying we've all heard is "Life is like a box of chocolates." You have a box of chocolates all different sizes and shapes. Learning a person should be like a box of chocolates, alluring, pleasurable and full of surprises. Take advantage or the time you share with your special someone and get to know them for who they are inside and out. During this lifetime of learning, take bits and pieces of what you learn that are exciting, joyous, fun and admirable about your special someone and feed on it when you want to be romantic. I promise you, you can't go wrong if you take the time to learn what your special someone likes, desires, wants and needs.

Finally, be NATURAL and GO FOR IT. Do not force yourself or your special someone to do something that is uncomfortable, out of their comfort zone, displeasing or disrespectful. Being romantic should be natural. If you wake up in the morning and your special someone is on your mind, call them. If your special someone had a hard day at work, rub their feet. If your special someone wants to go see the newest romance movie, offer to take them. If you see a vacation getaway on TV together that you both think would be great, save up and go! I always tend to find something that denotes love in everything around me. I also always see opportunities to make my special someone smile or make their life easier. Be spontaneous! These are the NATURAL moments that you should just GO FOR IT and you will be amazed at the results. Don't let your ego or pride take away from the chance to be romantic. When it comes to your special someone, be willing to step out the box and try something new and different (regardless if your boys clown you about it). Women like a man that takes the initiative, the lead at planning things and carries through on what he says he will do. Be NATURAL and GO FOR IT. 9/10 you won't regret you did.
Let's review our Crash Course to getting on your ROMANCE track:
1. EXPRESS yourself. Don't be afraid to say how you feel when you feel it when you feel it.
2. Be MOTIVATED to be romantic with someone because they are unique, special and most of all love you and loved by you (or at least very much liked). 
3. Get to KNOW your special someone. This is probably the most important aspect of being romantic. Knowing the person you want to ROMANCE is vital. Not only because you want to please them but because not everything is for everybody. Being romantic is a pleasurable experience for you but should be for them as well. Oh and by the way, being romantic is not about sex so try to make that the icing on the cake and not the whole cake. 
4. Be NATURAL and GO FOR IT. Don't be afraid to do what you feel will leave a great impression, no matter how big or how small. The little things do count (and we will talk about this later). Don't make your efforts forced. If you don't do it from the heart it doesn't matter anyway. Let your creative juices flow and GO FOR IT. Be spontaneous and do what will make him/her smile and enjoy each other in every way possible!

I am planning a paint party with the guy I'm dating and another couple over pizza and wine and checked out this site http://airdriepaintanddecor.com/. Pretty interesting. Take a peek!

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Why No Romance

When talking to several men about why they are not romantic, there were a couple of standard responses:
1. What does it meant to be romantic?
2. Why, when the women I have been romantic to don't appreciate it?
3. When is the right time to start being romantic?

All of these are valid reasons for not being romantic but they are not reasons to continue being in a romantic rut. To be romantic, you have to have some sense of the person you are dating, courting or involved with. We have discussed before how to get to know your special someone on a previous blog, http://romancequeen101.blogspot.com/2014/12/keys-to-romance.html. Getting to know the person you are fond of is important to being romantic with and for them. Knowing what makes them smile, laugh, blush and turns them on are all keys to creating a romantic environment for your special someone. You can do these in little ways or in really big ways. Being romantic is not a science. It should be natural and meaningful. Little things do count. Its not about monetary gifts or a large price tag. One way you can be romantic with someone you just met is by sending them texts or messages letting them know you are thinking about them, or picking them up on the first date with a single flower of their favorite color, or showing up with dinner and a movie for them. ROMANCE can take place on many different levels but its always motivated by your genuine interest in making your special someone smile, your attraction to them and your sincere love for the person and who they are to you, as we discussed before, http://romancequeen101.blogspot.com/2014/12/what-motivates-romance.html

ROMANCE also has no time limit. You can start showing your romantic side from day 1 or day 30. It doesn't matter. When the urge hits you to do something special, something different and something that will get her attention is all on You. You may want to wait until you know that your relationship is solid but one way to keep her interest and show her that you want her to build a solid foundation with you is by romancing her and showing her just how much you appreciate her. This is simple to do through constant communication, compliments, compassion and appreciation. Yes, everyday you can show her these things but its those little touches, those little extra things, the tone of your voice, the way you look at her and the effect of the things you do that make it romantic. 

Now their are going to be some women who have never been with a romantic man and don't know how to receive it. That happens. Don't be discouraged. If you feel she is worth it and you get a blush, smile or giggle from her, in between the shock and the slight withdraw, continue. Don't give up. She is acknowledging it in her body language and the glow that is evident in her face and eyes. She is someone that can grow to love the romantic things You do for her that she is not used to. But then there are those women who don't appreciate the romantic gestures you show her. This may be the time for a conversation about the type of man/woman you are and the type of man/women she is used to. Explain to her that this is the type of man/woman you are and or want to be and if she is open to it, start off small. If she isn't and its evident, then maybe she isn't the one for you. Being able to be You with a person and that person appreciate it and acknowledge it is important in any relationship but its especially important in a romantic relationship.

I do not claim to be a relationship counselor. I am just a woman who is in love with ROMANCE and the ability it has to foster loving relationships and help relationships grow. I know what I like, as a woman, and I consider myself a romantic person, even when single. If You are a romantic person, don't stop being that person. Just find that special someone you can be romantic with.

Enjoy your day and we will discuss one way to be romantic next- Be a Gentleman.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

How Romantic Are You?

When thinking about romance, we have to look at ourselves in the mirror to figure out just how romantic we are currently. Are we a hopeless romantic- a person who is consistently romantic and always looking for new ways to romance their mate? Are we romantic on occasion- when the time presents itself, we take full advantage of it (for instance on Valentine's Day or your mate's birthday). Or are you romantic only when your mate expresses that she/he wishes that you would be? 

I myself, would say that I am a hopeless romantic because I see romance in practically everything. Movies, music, older couples, childhood sweethearts, shopping and more! I love everything that can be considered romance and enjoy helping others set up romantic experiences for their mates.

If you are reading my blog, then something in you is curious about being more romantic in your life. Since I have not been writing for a while, lets go back to a few previous blogs. In my blog, What is Romance, http://romancequeen101.blogspot.com/2014/12/what-is-romance.html, I defined what romance was to me. I also shared some definitions of romance with you from reputable sources. In that blog post I also shared my list of Romantic Traits. Among them were expressive, sweet, loving, pleasurable and emotional. If you exude these traits in doing little things for your mate, you are already creating a romantic experience for your loved one. Putting your feelings and emotions into anything you do for your mate can be a romantic gesture that is meaningful and memorable for them. 

It is easy to be romantic when the Romance Traits are expressed towards someone that you love. Love, attraction and a genuine interest in someone is very important when you want to be romantic as we discussed before http://romancequeen101.blogspot.com/2014/12/what-motivates-romance.html. Without a genuine interest and attraction for someone it is very hard to be romantic. If your heart is not motivated to want to please someone then its hard to be romantic with them. It is also hard to be romantic with someone who doesn't appreciate it. Nonetheless, if you desire to be more romantic or are romantic already, keeping romance alive and having a healthy, loving and lasting romantic relationship is an ongoing commitment to your relationship that both of you deserve. 

Whether, you are a hopeless romantic or you are the occasional romantic or maybe even the begrudged romantic, romance can be fun, healthy, sexy, therapeutic and beneficial to your relationship in many ways.  You just have to decide how romantic you want to be with your special someone or if you think its time to become a romantic person to enhance your current relationship or possibly your future one!

Take a moment to read the past blogs and refresh your memory on the Romance Traits and Keys to Romance before we continue... In our next blog we will discuss what are some reasons why people choose not to be romantic. See you then.