Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas

Today is Christmas and many of you have spent the day with family and friends. If you were not able to spend it with your lover/mate then please take the time to plan something special for the two of you after the holidays. Its important that everyone you care about and love feel the merriment of the holidays and don't feel left out. Taking time for your family and friends is great. However, your special someone should also feel your a part of your holiday even if you did not spend it together. 

New Years is coming and this is a time for letting the old go and building something strong for the future. Take advantage of being out of work and reflection to talk to your special someone about what your relationship means, where you want to go and any plans for the New Years that you can plan together. 

Holidays are not celebrated by all but it is still a time for celebration of love, love and ROMANCE. The holidays give you a lot of opportunities to take time off to be with those you love. Don't forget your intimate relationships and make the best of the season. There are so many things to see and places to visit that are here only for the holidays. Find time to explore together and embrace these special moments together. 

Friday, December 4, 2015

Importance of the Holidays with Your Special Someone

So the holiday season is here and you are either dating someone new, dating someone for some time now or married. What do you do? As a woman who is dating during the holidays and a woman who has been single during the holidays I have to say that being single on the holidays can suck big time and dating during the holidays can be a headache.

However, I do know that the purpose of the holidays is to bring families and loved ones together. So with that rationale in mind, it is important to spend time with not only your family but to make time to spend with your special someone because that's what holidays are about and if you are dating someone who is really into the holidays they will want to include you. Including your special someone in your holidays is a sign of affection, love, commitment and is a sign of the degree of your relationship. So their are some things to consider by degrees:

You just started dating (Cold- Make time for each other):
If you just started dating someone within a couple weeks or a couple months, then you might want to hold off on inviting them to your families house for the holidays or introducing them to all your friends. Reason being, you might not be emotionally attached yet. You might not know where the dating is going with this person. You don't have a commitment to each other yet (or if you do its fairly fresh) and you might be dating more than one person. Remember dating doesn't mean commitment until you both say so. However, if you are dating someone that you really like, set aside a special date to share the holiday spirit together. Do not neglect the chance to spend a romantic evening with the person you are dating during the holidays. It shows that you enjoy spending time with them and you are interested in spending this special time of year with them. It also may be a milestone in your relationship and the beginning of something more (if that's what you want).

You have been dating for awhile now (Warm- Compromise how you spend the holidays):

Once you have passed the 6th month mark of dating someone exclusively, the holidays are a good time to start incorporating the person you are committed to with the people that mean the most to you (family and friends). Now this is something that is taken pretty seriously, so before you take this step, talk to each other about your families and friends, holiday traditions and your relationship. Some people at this time in their relationship are still taking things slow and that is understandable but make sure that you are both on the same page about what your desires are for the holidays when it comes to each other and COMPROMISE. If your families are in different cities then it may be hard to spend the holidays with both of your families, so you might compromise to spend Christmas with his family and New Years with hers. Or you can go your separate ways to your families on Christmas Day and have a post-Christmas party with friends. Including each other is very important during holidays and all other special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and more) and lets hope you don'[t have a Meet the Parents embarassing movie moment! Do not miss the opportunity to turn the holidays into ROMANCE for the two of you. If you don't take the step to spend these occasions together then you're really saying that you don't take the relationship serious enough to include them in times that are important and special to You and we don't want that to be the message to your "special" someone.

You are married (Hot- Its about the TWO of You):
You are now married. Unless your families simply can't get along or your families live far apart from each other (or you are in the service out the country) there  is no reason that you should not be sharing the holidays or other special moments with your spouse. None! Even if any of these are the case, the holidays are about You, Your spouse and the family the two of You are building. Make sure you spend these times together. You can spend Christmas morning at home with your spouse (and kids) opening gifts with hot chocolate and a great breakfast and then go to his or her house for dinner. It would be awesome if you can split time with each others family for dinner but that isn't always possible. The point: Sharing the holidays should now be your tradition together. Being married means that you are now "family," maybe even more than you are with the rest of your family. A marriage is a bond that can not and should not be broken so you should want to spend the holidays together and all other special times together any way you can. These moments not only reinforce your commitment to each other but to the family you are starting, building and combining. It is also a great opportunity to have some holiday ROMANCE fun!

Next blog will be on how to make the holidays Romantic so start thinking of ideas with your special someone to do so! Until then here are some articles I found when googling this subject:

and I promise this video is hilariously funny! Enjoy

Friday, November 20, 2015

10 Ways to Be Intimate

Someone asked me how can they can be intimate without being sexual. Below I have suggested 10 ways to be intimate (and maybe sexual too).

1. Be affectionate. Sometimes being affectionate is what you need. Touch is something that everyone needs whether its hugging, holding hands, kissing or rubbing. Touch is a way to express your appreciation, admiration and attraction to the person you love. Even in the middle of an argument or a bad day, a close hug for 30 seconds can make the situation better. Try it. It works!

2. Express yourself openly. Sometimes we hold back when we are talking to people but when it comes to communicating with our partner we should be able to talk about everything, no matter how big or small it is. Trusting your partner with detailed information about our past and our dreams and desires is important. By doing so, we open the door for our partners to reciprocate and trust us with their details too.

3. Tell someone why you love and appreciate them. Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily routines that we forget to tell the people sharing our daily lives with us that we love and appreciate them. Even more, we forget to tell them why we love and appreciate them and show that we love and appreciate them. Having the reassurance of knowing your loved and appreciated by your partner makes everything else worth it!

4. Make time for your mate. A couple blogs ago we talked about Date Night and the importance of making time. Refer back to this blog and make time for your mate as much as possible!

5. Try something new (in and out the bedroom) together. Trying something new with your partner gives you the opportunity to talk about new subjects you might not have addressed before, fulfill fantasies, learn something new about each other and go places you never thought you would. Doing this for the first time together gives you an experience together that has never been shared with anyone else! Agree to open yourself to enjoy the experience even if you don't do it again! You can't get more intimate than that.

6. Make love. There is a difference between just having sex, a quickie on your lunch break, or the F word. Make love to your partner by giving the full experience of foreplay, passionate kissing, exploring each others bodies, taking your time, pleasing each other (not just yourself),finding your rhythm as a couple, and hopefully climaxing together.

7. Write a love letter. If you are like me, you often can express yourself better from writing. I also like the look on someones face when I hand them a letter. Its more personal then texting or sending them a message on Facebook. It actually takes more time as well, so writing a love letter can be more intimate in nature because you are able to take more time to write and go back over your words before you pass it on for the person intended to read it. I also tend to say things in a letter that I am too shy to say face to face. So take a moment to put your thoughts on paper and (stationary would be even better) and let your emotions take on new meaning. Its also nice for the person who receives it to have it to read over and over :).

8. Look into each others eyes. When was the last time you stopped and actually looked into your partners eyes (or looked at them period)? I know that when the man I am dating stops me in my tracks, turns me to face him and looks in my eyes I melt... literally. Seeing the love and appreciation in your mates eyes is not only intimate but romantic too. It can spark something deep down inside (and between your legs) that needed to resurface (or appear for the first time). Its a way of saying without words that I notice you and depending on the depth you find in your partners eyes you can see their attraction and hunger for you too. Looking into each other eyes is also a sign of respect and understanding when you are talking to each other. Its way better than turning your back when someone is talking to you! Try it and watch the fireworks explode!

9. Listen without judgment. One thing we want to avoid is being critical and judgemental of each other. So when our partner is communicating openly we want to listen openly without judging, responding or being critical. Sometimes a person just needs to vent and get some things off their chest and the person they chose to do that with is- You, their partner. Even if you feel some kind of way about what they say refrain from reacting while they are talking (even non verbally if you can) and just listen. When they are finished feel free to ask if you can respond or make a suggestion or hug or hold them (if they aren't already cuddled under you or reaching for you). Having someone just listen can be free therapy. I know it is for me. It is also an intimate act to just lend your ear and listen respectfully to your mate and what's on their mind. 

10. Add ROMANCE to your relationship. Last but not least, being intimate often more than not is a chance to be romantic and add some ROMANCE to your relationship. Refer to the crash course and past blog posts. 

This month try all of these suggestions and come back and tell me how it went here and on my Facebook page. 

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Learn How to Be Intimate with Your Partner

When a person mentions "intimacy" they immediately think sex but being intimate is more about emotions and feelings then sexual intercourse. Intimacy is defined as closeness. Some synonyms for intimacy are togetherness, familiarity, affection, warmth, rapport and confidence. So intimacy can be defined as having a strong connection with someone that you are fond of that you can share your deepest feelings and emotions with that you trust to reciprocate their feelings and emotions with mutual respect. It also involves being there for someone when they need you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The important part of being intimate with someone is that they are intimate back. You can not  be intimate by yourself. It takes two. 

Some people can have good relationships but not be intimate. Intimacy can be expressed without using words, but words are the core of intimacy  because it is about expression. It involves sharing a whole range of feelings not just about your relationship but about you as a person, what makes you happy or sad, opposing views, and other more personal topics that you won't entrust talking about to just anyone.  Being intimate is often more difficult for men because they are not big communicators or easily able to express their feelings as well as women but men must realize that the more intimate you become with your partner, the more you are able to understand your partner for who they are, including their beliefs, desires, wants, needs and more. Intimacy also gives you an open door to being more romantic with the person that you choose to be with because you are learning about them and what makes them happy, sad, and turns them on or off. It also shows a side of you that women crave for in their mate and can set you apart from the other men in her life. Any man can come along and date you and have sex with you but not every man can learn the deepest part of your being and hear whats on your mind and ultimately in your heart.

I always bring up this quote, but its relevant for so many things. It is true that "actions speak louder than words" but when it comes to intimacy WORDS ARE POWERFUL. Words are what explain the reasons, motivations, outcomes and future actions of a person to another. Its the best form of communication. It is also the best way to express ROMANCE because once you speak it or write it, its set in stone and priceless. Actions can be done and actions can be taken but sometimes actions can be undone or reversed by the words that you sincerely say. 

Being intimate can happen in many ways but some ways to be more intimate or enhance your intimacy is to:

* Be positive about your relationship. Do not assume the other knows. Openly express how you feel about your relationship and never forget to say I Love You and I Appreciate You.
* Create opportunities to be intimate and create ROMANCE. Take out time for each other, just the two of you. Easier said than done but important for your relationship to thrive and grow. 
* Practice making statements in the first person with "I." One thing I hate is for someone to tell me how I feel or what I am doing. Instead of saying "You don't make time for me," try saying "I would like for us to make more time for each other." Instead of saying "You don't understand" try saying "I think I should explain better."
* Consider each others feelings not just your own. Remember intimacy takes two. You can not have intimacy without another person so consider each others feelings not just your own. Share your feelings openly and do not interrupt your partner when they are trying to do the same thing. Be respectful of each other and understand that you don't always have to share views or agree.
* Know that being intimate is more about words than sex and that intimacy can lead to better sex! Intimate acts of affection such as holding each other at night while you go to sleep, hugging, holding each others hands and the oh so intimate kiss are great ways to  be intimate! 

Some blog post to refresh on:

Couples Be Supportive of Each Other
Date Night- Make it a Priority

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Monday, November 2, 2015


Wiki uses the words purposeful, information, convey, meaning and shared when defining COMMUNICATION. All of those words are important to communication. Communication is purposeful. It gives us the opportunity to share purposeful information to someone that we have a relationship with. For the purpose of this blog, we use communication to convey our feelings, intent, purpose and other meaningful ideas and thoughts. This is a shared or two way task. Communication takes two. The person talking and the person listening. Listening is a tool that is sometimes ignored. Hearing someone talk and actually listening are two different things. When you hear someone you can hear their voice, you might hear their words, but you are not really comprehending or absorbing what they are saying. Listening means that you are not only hearing their voice but you can sense the tone and emotion in their voice. You are not only hearing their words, you are understanding and processing what they are saying. Listening also means not interrupting the other person who is talking. I admit, when I am listening to someone, I am already formulating a response. In doing so, sometimes, I miss the rest of what they are saying. This is not effective listening. Listening involves listening to everything the person has to say without thinking of a response or interrupting what they are saying by interjecting. Effective listening is allowing a person to complete their thought and then responding. 

I remember when I was getting married, my cousin yelled at me, "Communicate!" Communication in relationships is probably on the top of the list of complaints among partners. Communication usually has roots back to childhood. If a husband was raised in a home where no one expressed their emotions and they didn't talk about problems in the home, then more than likely he will carry this form of (or lack of) communication into his marriage. If he has a wife, where she constantly heard I love you and they talked about everything, then she most likely will be the same in her marriage. You can already see how this can be a problem for this couple. The wife may get frustrated with the husband for not expressing himself and she might feel like he doesn't love her because he never expresses it. The husband may become overwhelmed with all of her expressions of her feelings and frustrated when he can't find the words to reply. Communication can seriously divide a relationship if both do not know how to communicate with each other effectively.

Another issue I have heard of in relationships is that they do not talk about things outside the home/marriage that bother them until it becomes an issue. For example, both partners in a relationship have a demanding job. They agreed to not bring work home with them but yet the wife has been having bad days at work and comes home angry and frustrated. The husband doesn't know why but yet she doesn't talk about work like they agreed. by Friday she's yelling at him for little things when its really work that is bothering her. In this case, work is effecting their relationship and should be expressed to her husband to avoid the blow up that could have been avoided. Whenever something occurs in a partners life that may effect the relationship, it should be discussed, period. 

It is very obvious that men and women communicate differently. Women are more emotional, naturally. Men are more straight forward, clear and blunt. Knowing the difference in how men and women talk is important to those that are in relationships. However, sometimes, the roles reverse and the woman can be straight forward and blunt and less emotional and the man can be the more emotional and expressive one. Learning each other's communication style is important. Learning to communicate and draw each other's emotions, feelings and concerns out is important.  If you are not big on words, then find ways to show how you feel and what you want.

You know that saying "actions speak louder than words." That's true in most cases but sometimes you need the actions to back up the words. There is another saying :Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no." Always say what you mean and mean what you say. Communication is important in relationships for several reasons: 

1) It reduces assumptions.
2) Its a way of expressing your thoughts, emotions, ideas, wants, desires and everything else.
3) It leads to better understanding.
4) It opens up an exchange of ideas. 
5) It leads to trust.
6) It outlines expectations.
7) Helps you to understand each other.

The benefits of communicating versus not communicating far outweigh each other. If your relationship is lacking good communication then a number of problems can arise including: mistrust, lack of intimacy, assumptions about the other partner, isolation of partners from one another, and affairs. Please note: Good communication is NOT yelling, cussing, name calling or abusive. If communication is a problem in a relationship here are some ways to improve it:

* talk more throughout the day
* discuss each others work day
* plan activities together for the family and for the two of you
* discuss discipline for the children together
* have family meetings
* plan date nights for just the two of you
* seek counseling
* find non verbal ways to express yourself
* go to bed together
* have breakfast together
* never go to bed mad at each other
* do not talk to others about your relationship (unknowingly- its okay to have someone to confide in but always talk to your partner first)

So where does ROMANCE come into play with communication. Everything that has to do with ROMANCE is communicating your love and admiration for your significant other! You can communicate your love through text messages throughout the day saying "I miss you," "I love you," and "I'm thinking about you." If you work away from home on a regular, video chat so you can see each others smile and face on a regular or before you go to bed. Send flowers with a sweet card to express how you feel about them. Pick up a card on the way home that says something new to your partner. Plan date night together discussing things you both like to do. Take time every day to talk one on one about everything and anything. Being romantic is all about COMMUNICATING how you feel. Take time today to set up a romantic atmosphere at home to communicate how you feel about each other. Its never too late to improve your communication. Everyone can benefit from it!

Good read links:

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Date Night- Make it a Priority

With working parents, busy professionals and hectic lives comes less and less time for Self and ROMANCE. It is important that couples find time for each other, without the kids, to spend quality time together, enjoy each others company, renew the ROMANCE in their relationship and have time for intimacy. You can't pay the bills and maintain a household without making money, yes, but when the money is made, the bills are paid and the home is secure, their is still your relationship to make work, enforce and invest in. Make time for DATE NIGHT!

Date night is important to all couples- new or old. Dating is not just for singles. Date night is for couples (committed or not) to have time together to explore each others interest, get to know each other, have downtown from the kids together, try new things together, and renew your bond- mentally, emotionally, physically, and yes spiritually! In a survey done by Redbook, 45% of couples rarely have date nights. 18% said they go on dates at least once a month. I did my own research and was happy to report better numbers. 37% of those surveyed went on date nights monthly. 27% went on date nights weekly; 18% bi weekly and 18% rarely went on dates. Better numbers than Redbook right! Of those surveyed, all knew the importance of date night and tried their best to make time for it. I was pleasantly surprised to hear one husband say that 99% of his free time is spent with his wife (but they have grown kids)! I had two participants that said that they spend all their weekends together and several evenings a week together. Yet another said, that even though they do not have regular date nights, per say, they plan monthly mini getaways to spend time with each other that is filled with lots of love and fun.

So why are couples not going on more date nights? The biggest reason, "we are too busy!" But other reasons include paying for a babysitter, waiting for the other to initiate it, feeling guilty for leaving the small children with someone else, starting a new career or business, and a variety of other excuses. Yes I said excuses. Every couple needs to make time for date night. Date night is like therapy for your relationship without paying the $100+ per hour for ending up at a marriage therapist. 

So here are some really big reasons to make time for date night:
* Its important to MAKE TIME for each other. Its an investment into your relationship and your future.
* Its important to spend QUALITY TIME together. It rejuvenates your relationship
* Its a show of COMMITMENT to each other. You have already taken the first step of committing to being in a relationship or dating each other. Now its time to commit to maintaining what you started. 
* Its a way to RECONNECT. Its a way to show or express why you are together in the first place. Why did you make the big commitment? What made you fall for them in the first place? 
* Its nothing wrong with having FUN! We all need a break from the monotony.
* Its an opportunity to TRY SOMETHING NEW. I'm sure there is something or somewhere you have been saying you want to do or go. Go! Go do it!
* Its an opportunity to BE KINKY! We all are adults here. When was the last time you did something naughty together? Or role played? Or even had sex? Some couples are not only too busy for date night, they are also too busy to have sex. 
* Its an opportunity for ROMANCE. Yes ROMANCE! Date night is different from just going out. Its the night to show off as a couple. Its the chance to hold hands, kiss all night, enjoy each others company, stare across the table and smile at the one you love. Its sweetheart time, not just you and me time. Its partner time, not just you and me time. Its us time, not you you and me time. Its also the perfect time to dress up. No jeans. No sneakers. No fitted hats. Dress up in a dress and heels and some slacks and a button up (with a tie maybe) and step out on the town looking like you did on your first few dates. Guys/Hubbys stop and grab some flowers and a little gift too and she will really shine! Ladies, get him a gift too. He will appreciate it.

Date time is important. It is vital for all relationships, regardless of what you call it. Making time for each other to spend quality moments of fun and to reconnect and renew your commitment to each other is mega important. Its also a way for you to show each other how much you love, appreciate and adore them and its the perfect opportunity for ROMANCE! Make time for it today. Put it on your busy schedules and enjoy every last minute of it!

Some ideas taken from,

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Romance Book Camp Initiated!

Hello everyone! Hope you are having a fantastic day! October has come and is almost gone! Starting next month I am going to pick 5 people to do romance boot camp with me! I have already chosen the participants for November and super excited about it! If you feel you need some tips about romance or being romantic, then let's do this together! I'm sure your mate will be pleased that you did! Enjoy your night!

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Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Couples- Be Supportive of Each Other!

I took a break from writing for the month of September to start my Masters program. I struggled with making the decision to start my Masters with my twins back and school, moving into a different place and starting a new job but with the support of the man I have been dating and my best friends, I decided to go ahead and start! Relationships can not build if individuals in a relationship can not support each other and be each others cheerleaders! This goes for friendships, business partnerships and especially intimate relationships!

Having the support of the person you love is one of the best forms of love and commitment. Whether you are deciding to have a child together, buy a house, start a new career, or begin your college degree, having a support system is important (especially for single moms and dads). The person you are committed to should be the person you can talk to about your dreams, goals, aspirations, desires and future. If you are committed to each other then the things you most desire and want to accomplish should be shared by both of you. Sharing what drives you and sharing this together will not only build your commitment to each other but also build intimacy. Not sharing each other's goals can lead to misunderstandings and disappointment.

During this time of change and growth, take a moment to celebrate and be ROMANTIC. My father used to refer to the things that happen in our life, as an "adventure" (good or bad) so make the best of it. Take a vacation together before starting on your new journey together. Go to dinner to one of your favorite restaurants (maybe the person actually starting the new adventure, can pick the place!). Do something fun and exciting with each other. Surprise the other with a ROMANTIC night filled with laughter, blushing, and love in the air. Change is a part of life and even better when you have someone that will go through the change supporting You.

Some good reads on this subject,

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Wednesday, September 9, 2015

September is Take Your Man on a Date Month!

Hello ladies! September has been designated for TAKING your man on a date month! I love this month because it gives the ladies the chance to show their romantic side, what they like to do on dates from a woman's perspective and give the guys pointers just in case they are clueless the other months. 

So whether you have one special guy or you are dating a couple guys, here are some pointers:
1. Ask him formally on a date.
2. Plan the date yourself based on things he likes to do, places he likes to go and ideas you've heard him talk about.
3. Do not make it a group event. Tho I am sure your man likes to watch the game with the boys, inviting yourself to watch it with them as your "date" is not acceptable.
4. Do things on the date that you would like him to do for you. I always think its fun to reverse the roles during the time, by opening the door for him and ordering his favorite meal off the menu. Guys get a kick out of being spoiled especially when you're paying.
5. Pick him up for the date. Men like to be chauffeured too.
6. Pay for the date. Paying for the date makes this whole thing come together. Some guys always insist on paying for everything like dinner, but tonight let him know that everything is on you without watching every morsel he orders off the menu. 
7. Show you appreciation for him. Whether you did things on the date that you would like him to reciprocate or you turned up the ROMANCE meter on your date more than he has in the past, don't make this a "see what I mean" or "can you do better" date. Let him know that this date planned especially for him is for him. You did it you appreciate who he is to you. You care. You love (or like him very much) and most importantly because HE DESERVES IT! Men need to feel appreciated and what better way to do it then to take him out on a date doing things he likes best.
8. End it with intimacy. Intimacy does not mean intercourse. Possibly, you can have your first kiss, hold hands, give him a massage, dance for him or make love to him with passion and desire. Intimacy is about "being emotionally close to your partner" and often times physically close. To learn more about intimacy, refer to This was an interesting read.

Some date ideas for your man:
* Take him on a fishing charter. Some charters offer to c0ok your fish after and it makes for a great time to celebrate his catch and show off.
* Take him to his favorite sports bar for dinner and the game and treat him to all the drinks he desires (without getting him too drunk). Make sure its not the same spot his boys go to. You want to have this date with him not with them.
* Take him shopping for those tennis shoes he's been eyeing and maybe buy him a matching outfit to go with it. Guys love to good look for us ladies and you picking it out with him is a win win. 
* Take a weekend trip. Plan a weekend away from the kids, work and your normal surroundings. You don't have to go far but getting away from everyone is sometimes what we need to get the ROMANCE back in our relationships. It also is a great stress reliever for you both and a way for you both to enjoy new things together.
* Stay at home, cook him his favorite meal, watch a great movie, maybe on your Android TV box, and give him a great massage as foreplay for a very intimate night.

Plan something unique and memorable. Something he will talk about for months (even to his boys) and something you don't do on a regular. Show him off, be proud of the man you have chosen to date or commit to and Take Your Man on a date and show him how much you appreciate him.

Have fun ladies! Coming soon is a calendar created by me to Keep Romance going throughout the year. 

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I would love for you to share pictures and details from your dates with your special guy.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Dating or Courting

With the rise in dating services and websites, dating has become a hobby. Whether you are looking for casual dating (dating for fun and no intent of committing), hooking up, hanging out or commitment (yes you have to date first), dating has become the new thing while courting (dating with the intent of marriage) is lost. The Institute in Basic Life Principles says: 

The main difference between dating and courtship involves the goals to be reached by spending time with a potential marriage partner. Men and  women who choose to date often have no commitment to consider marrying the other person. Maturity and readiness for marriage are not considerations in the decision to date. Instead, couples usually date with the selfish goals of having fun and enjoying romantic attachments.  In contrast, courtship is undertaken only when both parties are prepared to make a commitment to marriage. Dating tries to answer the question, How can I find the one who will make me  happy? Courtship strives to answer the question, How can I honor God and discern His direction regarding my life partner?-

I totally agree with the above definition so with that being said its easy to see the difference between dating and courting. People are not into marriage anymore and rightfully so with the rise in divorces but why are their so many divorces? The views on relationships these days have changed how people think when it comes to marriage. Its more common to jump from relationship to relationship because its easy to do so then to fight for the relationship they invested in at the beginning. Dating is a way for people to date multiple people to get to know who they might, or might not, want to commit to. Having multiple options can be fun and exciting but how can you truly to get to know a person if you are dating more than one person.
Also the definition of dating is different to everyone. When some say I am dating someone, do you know exactly what they mean? Are they saying they are exclusive with that one person or in a committed relationship? Are they saying that they are consistently seeing the same person without a commitment? Or do they mean that they went out on a date with someone and they are the date victim of the month? Dating means so many things to different people that its hard to know anymore what exactly dating means. I read one article about Taylor Swifts possible definition of who she was dating and it was hilarious but so real. Take a peek, I am not the only one confused about what dating means so the only way I can define it is to compare it to the more traditional form of what dating used to be, COURTING. 
Dating is seeing, spending time, or getting to know someone in an intimate way with no clear intent of marriage. While courting involves dating; however, the intention is to get married. So Tammy meets Spencer and they go out on several dates to get to know each other and spending time. Meanwhile Tammy might also be seeing Derrick and Justin and those guys might also be seeing other women. None of these parties are "dating" with the intent of marriage. However, if Tammy and Justin decide they want more than just dating and a formal commitment and want to consider marriage then they begin the courting phase. Make sense? Good!
So now that we know the key difference in dating and courting why does it seem that people are no longer courting. You rarely here of courting anymore like in our parents time. Dating is easier. Its fun. Its a way for people to date and get to know multiple people with no real commitment. It gives people an easier way out. It does require paying for a wedding or a divorce. People are living busy lives. Women are focusing more on their careers than marriage and family. Men have a multitude of single men to pick from. Options galore make dating more attractive. 
I admit I enjoy dating myself but I am starting to get to a point in my life that I no longer want to date. I want to be courted. So this year I have started dating only men who would like to get married. If they don't want that in their future I politely decline to date them. I have a goal in mind and that is to get married again one day. I could continue to date multiple men but its no longer fun for me or convenient. Its a chore. Getting to know Mike, Damon and Jim only to find out we don't want the same goals in life is now a waste of my time. Its important to me, now, to date with an intent. Not always does dating lead to marriage because people aren't always going to be compatible even in courting situations but serial dating is just not my thing anymore and more on more women and men, surprisingly feel the same way.
Do I have something against dating, No. Not at all. I wouldn't be able to call myself a hopeless romantic if I had something against dating but when two people meet its important that they know the difference between dating and courting and that both agree which one they are doing. Things can get pretty uncomfortable when one wants to date and the other wants to court or they don't know what the others intentions are. If you enjoy dating and you are not ready to find a life partner then dating is a great way to live your single life until you are ready to think marriage. Just make sure that the person you are dating feels the same way. 
Their are some, like me, who appreciate the purpose of courting and want to find someone who wants to be courted. Its a wonderful thing when you come to a point in your life that you are ready to find a mate to share it with but not everyone has reached that point. Know the difference when you are interested in someone and make sure that you are on the same page so that both of you know what the other expects and if its not the same thing, then you have a choice to make but if it is, courting can be a wonderful experience that can lead to a solid foundation for your marriage.
Happy dating or courting!

As always when I am doing my research I like to share websites that I come across that attract my attention. Since I am a full figured woman and hope to get married someday here was a great website of gorgeous plus size wedding dresses, Enjoy!

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Learn to Be a Gentleman

One thing I feel that is needed for a man to be romantic is to be a GENTLEMAN. Being a gentle man is being attentive to the needs of the women in your lives. Being a gentle man means being compassionate and understanding towards the special woman in your life. Being a gentle man means knowing her needs and wanting to meet those needs. Being a gentle man means being the man in the relationship and letting her be the woman by treating her like the Queen she is.

Being a GENTLEMAN includes opening and holding the door for your special someone wherever you go, including other women that you may surround you. Opening her car door is also a nice gentlemanly act that women are not used to anymore. I know me, dating someone with old school values has told me to not touch the door when I am with him because that is his job and even I sometimes have to catch myself and not reach for the door but its a gesture I appreciate it. 
Some other gentlemanly gestures that a man can do is to pick her up by going to the door to get her versus sitting in the car (my dad's request of any man I dated), pull her seat out for her when she goes to sit down, walking beside her not in front of her, and ordering off the menu for her (if she is okay with it). Being a gentleman can sometimes mean meeting her needs when she has a rough day such as cooking dinner, helping with the kids or letting her get the rest she needs at night. 
Being a gentleman is about being attentive to your special someone. Your special someone will reward you with a smile, a thank you, and even by being more attentive to your needs as well. Being a gentleman is not about monetary things, tho gifts are nice, but being a gentleman is all about the simple comforts that you can show towards your special someone. A gentleman is gentle in mannerisms, affections and support. All the results your display being a gentleman can lead to a very romantic night. It sets the tone for the evening and opens the door for intimacy. Yes some women like a little hardness in a man or a man that is rough around the edges but most women like a man who has a gentleman side to them and can appreciate it. If not, refer them to my last blog, Letter to Your Special Someone.

Guys if you need some more information on how to be a Gentleman, consider these links:

23 Behaviors of a Gentleman,
10 Things You Need to be a Gentleman,
20 Things that Make a Man a Gentleman,

As always in my blogs I like to share websites that catch my eye. Tonights searches led me to Bosch Car Service. I know as a woman, I love for my man to take care of my car, but sometimes ladies, we have to do it ourselves.  Enjoy your evening and love and appreciate your special Gentleman in your life.

In your comments below, please post what You do to show your Gentleman side.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

A Letter to YOUR Special Someone

Dear Special Someone,

Their are a lot of good men out here. Their are men out here who want to be loved. Their are men out here who can respect you. Their are men out here who will treat you like a Queen. But guess what, sometimes we as women make it hard for these men to be with us. Why? Because maybe you are so used to bad men that you don't know a good man when you see him. Maybe because you are so independent that you can't let a man be a man. Maybe because you've been abused in the past and you don't know how to trust. Maybe because you are tired of being hurt so you can't open your heart to someone else. Maybe because you have some unresolved baggage you need to take care like a baby daddy, ex lover, or just emotional leftovers from the last wrong dude. Whatever your issue is, wake up.
Don't let these bad men make you blind to the good man. What happened to you in the past is the past and you might be passing up the chance for a great future because of your pain, fear, mistrust, and PAST! Let it go. Take it from me. I was that girl holding on to pain but I never lost my love for ROMANCE. I deserve it. I crave it. I want it. I need it. We were made to be loved. God created us to be helpmates, partners, mates, nurturers. We were made from Adam's rib so we can't go through life without one. You can heal. You can get better. You can love again. Let a good man love you and ROMANCE you. 

Love is a wonderful thing. It opens the door for happiness in every aspect of our lives but it is also the motivation for ROMANCE. Many men do not believe in romance anymore or if they do, they don't exercise the opportunity to be romantic because of the women they are running into who are too proud, too unappreciative and have nasty attitudes about men who want to ROMANCE them. ROMANCE is not a sign of weakness. ROMANCE is not just a way for a man to get in your pants ladies. ROMANCE is a way to show you that he likes you, is willing to invest in your happiness by making you smile and ROMANCE is a way for him to show his love and admiration for you in more ways than one. 
So ladies, special someOne's...If a man comes to pick you up for a date with flowers, take them happily, thank him and let him know you appreciate them. When a man opens your door for you, holds your seat for you to sit or covers your head with his only umbrella, let him, thank him, and be confident that all these gestures are signs that he thinks YOU are SPECIAL. Don't make him feel like less of a man by calling him weak, soft or too nice. It takes a special kind of man to be romantic. He's strong-minded, capable, compassionate and most of all a protector of your heart. ROMANCE isn't for weaklings. its for a King.

Romance Queen

Always in my research when I am writing I come across great websites such as . When dealing with our past sometimes its good to get some professional help to do so. Best wishes in your healing!