Friday, December 26, 2014

Keys to Romance continued- Your Motivation


One key part of ROMANCE is what motivates you to BE romantic. Google defines motivation as "the general desire or willingness of someone to do something." That being said, doing something for your special someone is not the only motivation to being romantic but the affection, admiration, love and desire to make them smile is what motivates you to WANT to do something romantic for your special someone.
There are other reasons to that may motivate you to be romantic such as illness, burn out (your special someone is working too much), an argument or being in the dog house (as my father used to call it), simple interest in someone, and many more reasons.
However, no matter what your MOTIVATION is, that motivation prompts you to do something for your special someone. Please note though that you do NOT want to only be romantic when your special someone is complaining that you aren't romantic or your special someone is mad at you or your special someone is about to boot you out the door with the shoes you brought her! No, being romantic, tho sometimes is motivated by something that isn't quite right in your relationship, it should ALWAYS be motivated by your willingness and priority to making your special someone HAPPY. When your MOTIVATION is driven by the objective of happiness, you can't go wrong (even if the results are not what you wished). 
A gesture of your willingness in itself is motivation for us (men or women) to try to forgive. Their are so many things going on around us in this sad, loveless world that being at home and secure in your relationships these days is a blessing. Knowing that you have someone genuine and sincere in your life that puts your happiness first on their priority list is a wonderful stress free and motivating relationship to have. Not many get a chance to experience it fully and those that do appreciate it.
So in order to remain motivated you must constantly come up with 1) new ideas; 2) new goals; 3) new dreams; 4) maintain a positive outlook and continue building on what keeps you MOTIVATED in your relationship with your special someone. Take the time to truly practice our first Key to Romance- Getting to Know your Special Someone. Knowing what makes your special someone happy, smile and possibly forgive you for being a jerk is mandatory. Knowing everything you can about your special someone without being stalkerish is a great way to keep the ROMANCE alive in your relationship. Taking in consideration their needs and wants at all times can make for great spare of the moment opportunities to be romantic!
For instance, your special someone calls you on the phone as soon as they get to work and tell you how crabby they are feeling and wish they were home in bed OR their boss came in with a bad attitude and they are two seconds from quitting. You might take this opportunity to take them breakfast because you know she is about to have a busy day with the boss man OR you could send her some flowers with chocolates to jump start her day. A website I always love to use is www.ftd.com. They always have great specials on their flowers and chocolates. I would also encourage you to use your local flower shop. Once they get to know you, they will always hook you up with the best bouquets!  Be careful though, you want to make sure you don't send your special someone flowers she/he is allergic too! 


"If you can dream it, you can do it."- Walt Disney


Thursday, December 25, 2014

The Holidays are Filled with Romance




I hope that all of you are enjoying your holidays with your loved ones. The holidays can be such a romantic time for you and your special someone. Whether its your first holiday together or you have been spending the holidays together for years, this can be a great time to show your special someone a little bit of ROMANCE.


For the holidays, take time for you and your special someone, just you and them. Show them how much you love, appreciate and cherish them on the holidays. The joy of Christmas usually involves gift giving so getting your special someone something for them and not for you, the kids and the house is something your special someone will truly appreciate. Maybe she has been admiring a beautiful necklace on a commercial or maybe she has been asking for a vacation for just the two of you. Whatever the gift, make sure it is about HER.

Its not too late to shop for your special someone. I don't believe that Christmas is the only time for gift giving. Giving gifts is something you can do year round and you can do it on your budget. Saving up some time for a special gift gives it more meaning and gives you time to plan something really special to present their gift to them when you can afford to pay it off. I know every year I buy myself something nice and I pay on it for awhile to give myself something I normally can't just walk in the store to buy. The excitement of knowing I am getting something I really want, working for it and walking in the store to make the final payment is always a proud moment of achievement. I'm sure that if their is something your special someone wants, within reason, you might possibly be able to do this for them.

However, the holidays are not just about giving gifts. Its about spending quality time with the people you love. So take some time, for just you and your special someone, even if its just thirty minutes, to savor the moment of the holidays, cuddle, and kiss and show each other you care on this special day. 

Its never too late to capture the moments of a holiday. Try to have a "holiday" every month with your special someone that is reserved just for you and them. This is something I like to do myself, when I have someone special in my life. It gives you something to look forward to and gives you time to plan something special every month. Try it. I promise you that it will be a wonderful holiday every month for the two of you!

Happy holidays and I wish you many more!




Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Keys to Romance- Being Romantic on a Budget

In our last post, we talked about Keys to ROMANCE. Our first Key to Romance was your Special Someone. What's important about this key is knowing who your special someone is and knowing exactly what makes your special someone happy! In order to be romantic, you have to know things about your special someone that will make them smile, have fun, and enjoy themselves. You also need to know things about them that won't ruin the romantic mood you are trying to accomplish. You have to know enough about your special someone to be creative enough to come up with ideas that make the moment all you wished for them and you. 



Do you remember our Romantic Traits we discussed before? Well some of the traits listed were "simple," "sweet," and "meaningful." For our next Key to Romance we want to remember these three traits and add CREATIVE which leads us to our 2nd Key to Romance- The Romance Budget.

Most of us are not millionaires. We can not pick up our date in a limousine or fly them to Paris. We possibly can't even take them to a 5-star restaurant for every dinner date so we need to learn how we can be romantic on our budget. In order to do this we have to get a little creative. 
Here are a three creative and old fashioned ways to be romantic on a budget:


#1 is FREE- Pick your special someone up for a romantic stroll at your favorite location like your State park, beach, city boardwalk or rose garden. A lot of cities and counties have listings of favorite tourist attractions that you can visit for free. Some of these attractions offer beautiful views and a chance to experience something together for the first time. Two of my favorite places to go in Charlotte, NC is 1) Freedom Park http://www.charlottesgotalot.com/parks-gardens-greenways/freedom-park and 2) The Shoppes at University Place's lake at night http://www.shoppesatuniversityplace.com/. Going for a romantic walk, holding hands and talking OR going for a scenic ride around your city or countryside is FREE and romantic. The benefits, you spend little or no money, spend quality time together with a chance to talk and share views that are appealing to the eyes and senses and you might just learn something about your community while you're at it!

#2 is LESS THAN $50- Cook at home for your special someone. If your special someone is a mommy or works a 9-5 I am absolutely sure she would appreciate it if someone else cooks for a change! Find out her favorite meal, if you don't know it already and show off your cooking skills for her. Our mothers always told us that "a way to a mans heart is through his stomach," well if you are anything like me that applies to us ladies too! My father was the cook of our family and so my mother and I grew up with him cooking for us. Its one of the many things my mom loved about my father and we still talk about today. My father was an excellent cook and we enjoyed watching him cook for us and guess what? He loved cooking for us too. This is something romantic you can do for your special someone on a weekly occasion, add a fresh bouquet of flowers and a chilled bottle of wine and you have yourself a romantic dinner for two. You might want to go a step further and get grandma or your neighbor to watch the kids for a little while so that you can enjoy your delicious meal without interruptions. She will appreciate the time you took to prepare a meal for her and a couple of hours of being off mommy duty. 


#3 is $50-100- If you want to try a change of scenery or you want a night away from the kids, you could check into a hotel for the night with a nice jacuzzi bathtub, room service and her favorite candies for a romantic night just for two. Their are many area hotels that have great rooms for less than $100 who also offer complimentary breakfast and some have romance packages that can be added to your nights stay that include champagne and chocolates. Some managers are glad to throw in such treats, if you ask nicely. Having a nice romantic night in a different scenery can spark a little excitement in your life and lead to some pretty steamy make out sessions and intense lovemaking. I know sometimes just getting away from the norm in itself can be a turn on. One website I love to use that lends to your spontaenous side is http://www.hotwire.com/. You can put in your hotel preferences and star ratings that you prefer, find the cost that fits your budget, pay for it and they will tell you after you pay which hotel they found for you. I have never been disappointed when I use Hotwire and I get a chance to try different hotels instead of sticking to one brand. I always choose 3+ star hotels and the hotels awarded have always had great staff, clean, and roomy accomodations!  I highly recommend this website and or http://www.hotels.com/.  


These are just three ideas that I like to recommend to people who need to be Romantic on a Budget. Their are many more ways that you can be creative on a budget and add a little ROMANCE to your relationship. I would love to hear some of your ways that you like to be romantic on a budget. Please share them with me in your replies to this post. I look forward to reading them. Until next time, think of more ways to be romantic with your special someone and take time to try one of them!


Thursday, December 11, 2014

Keys to Romance- Getting to Know Your Special Someone

Over the weekend, I asked that those reading think of someone special in your life that deserves a little ROMANCE. I hope that you were able to choose in your heart (and mind) who that special someone is in your life. There are a few keys to being romantic that we need to consider before we can start being romantic with someone specifically. This discussion is also the beginning of our 101 Ways to be Romantic ideas by me! 


In order to unlock romance, I want you to always consider the following five questions:
  1. Who do you want to be romantic with and how well do you know this special someone?
  2. What is your romantic budget?
  3. What is the motivation behind why why you want to be romantic?
  4. When is the right time to be romantic and do you take advantage of the opportunity to do so?
  5. How much do you care about the person you want to be romantic with?
These questions do not have to be answered in any specific order, but if you can answer each one whole-heartedly and with passion, devotion, and excitement (well maybe not elated but at least with a lot of interest) then you are on your way to creating a romantic relationship with your special someone!

So lets begin discussing our Keys to Romance: with:
Key #1- Your Special Someone
Who is your special someone? How long have you known this person?When is their birthday? What are some special dates to them (anniversary, your first date, first time you kissed, etc)? What do they like and dislike? What turns them on? What makes them smile? What is their favorite color? What are their hobbies? What are some of their favorite places? Are they open to new things? What is something they have said they want or want to do that they haven't yet? What is something you like to do or want to share with them that you haven't yet? Are they allergic to anything? Okay, you get the point. 
Knowing your special someone and what may make them laugh, cry with joy, blush, arouse them or just make their day is what you need to know in order to create ways to be romantic for and with them. You also want to know what might make them mad, turn them, cry in a really depressing way, make them break out in hives or want to scream at the top of their lungs. Knowing what sets them off in a bad way is also something you need to know so that while you are being romantic you don't have a moment that ruins the whole mood or motivation for why you are being romantic in the first place (outside of Love of course). 

The point to this Key is that you KNOW the person (enough)to be romantic for and with and you have something to start your How To be Romantic juices flowing, literally. 

I'll share a romantic moment I don't think I will ever forget. I was dating a guy named Andre and I used to come home from work tired from being on my feet all day. I also was pretty darn hungry when I got home too because sometimes I was so busy at work I didn't have time to eat much of anything for lunch, so knowing this about my day, one day I came home from work and he had cooked a meal for the two of us which was hot and ready on the stove and he had a nice soothing bubble bath ready for me as I was walking in the door. This was something he did on a regular for me that took the stress of my day away immediately and helped me relax and enjoy his company blushing the whole time. But one particular evening, I came home and he mixed it up, I came home and on the floor was rose petals and those rose petals were leading to a bed full of roses shaped into a heart with the ruby words I Love You. His motivation throughout our relationship was relaxation, comfort, stress relief, lots of blushing, intimate rewards and of you know it- Love. 

I'll stop here for now so that you can answer the five questions above and if you know who your special someone is, I want you to further think about the things that make them smile! Until then, happy thoughts...





Friday, December 5, 2014

Have a Great Weekend!

Hello everyone, I want to wish you a great weekend filled with love.
Over the weekend think about the  Romantic Traits and choose one that you feel is the easiest to master.
Try something new this weekend to reflect the trait you chose. Share it with us here and on our FB page.
Enjoy!

Thursday, December 4, 2014

What Motivates Romance?

Do you remember the Wikipedia's definition of romance we discussed yesterday? It defined ROMANCE as the "expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with LOVE." Love. For tonight's blog we are going to focus on what motivates romance- Love.

One of my favorite Scriptures in the bible is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It describes love as patient, kind, bearing all things, believing all things, hoping all things, and enduring all things.  It concludes with "Love Never Fails." Then there is Colossians 3:14 that perfectly starts our conversation by declaring that "Love is a Perfect Bond of Union."




LOVE is the motivation for romance and ROMANCE is the motivation for love. When you love someone you want to do things for them to show how much you care for them, how much you appreciate them, and how much you desire them to remain in your life. You want them to know how much you LOVE them through your ACTIONS.


Romance is also motivated by mutual attraction and genuine interest in someone. When you want to get to know someone, date them, court them, and possibly form a love connection, you do things to get their attention, keep them interested and form a memorable bond. Your actions show each stage of your emotions. Being ROMANTIC is one way to capture the attention of someone you are interested in pursuing an intimate relationship with. 


We've already established that ROMANCE is not a mystery. Its alive and possible to achieve. When you mix interest, attraction, desire to please and LOVE you have a perfect blend of reasons or motivators to be romantic.


Remember that one of the Romantic Traits is "loving" so in order to be loving towards someone you have to love or have an emotional connection towards a special someone. Now some of you may say that you can be romantic with someone without loving them, but I doubt that you are going to put a lot of TIME and EFFORT into someone you are not attracted to or have some connection with.


That being said, with LOVE as a motivator for romance and ROMANCE being motivated by love, you can't go wrong. You have a solid foundation established now to begin (or refresh) your romantic journey. I hope that this post has you thinking of that someone special in  your life that deserves a little romance and I hope that you're enjoying what you're reading so far and sharing it with others. 


Please take the time to leave a comment after your read each post so I can read your thoughts and have some tips on what to discuss. Also if you want some personal help on being more romantic with your partner please feel free to contact me at romance101queen@gmail.com.  Also, take the time to Like my Facebook page and post your comments there too at https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Romance-Queen-Blog/741905955886052?ref=bookmarks.


Until tomorrow, dream a little dream of her!



Wednesday, December 3, 2014

What is Romance?

So what is ROMANCE? Its important for us to define it in order to do it. I'm sure if you do a Google search you will see many definitions. Some will define romance in a fairytale kind of way. Others will define it as something dry and unnecessary and others will define ROMANCE exactly how You feel it should be given credit to be.

Some online definitions that I found that I personally agreed with are as follows:


  1. WikiHow defined being romantic as "unexpected and exciting ways to express your love for another person;
  2. Urbandictionary defined romance as " something simple and sweet that reminds your partner why they fell in love with you the first place" or might I add what attracted you to them in the first place; and
  3. Wikipedia said romance is the "expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love" or serious attraction or affection.
Okay so lets make a list of key words that will create our list of ROMANCE TRAITS from each definition from popular websites. These Romance Traits are:
  • Exciting
  • Expressive
  • Simple
  • Sweet
  • Memorable
  • Meaningful
  • Loving
  • Pleasurable
  • Emotional and
  • Attractive
This is a pretty wonderful list and I don't think its necessary to define each of our Romantic Traits in detail. However, if you look at all the traits together or individually you have the recipe or road map for a pretty romantic future and what it will entail. 
Its not hard. ROMANCE is not a mystery. It takes time. It takes effort. If you care for someone, show them. Its great to say I Love You. Its awesome to take care of home. Its amazing that you can be faithful, trustworthy and supportive. These are all natural, everyday, normal, healthy relationship characteristics. But do you take the extra TIME AND EFFORT to show it in exciting, sweet, memorable ways?

Many of you have heard of the book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. If you haven't read it, its a pretty good read and you can purchase it here http://www.marsvenus.com/p/men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus-hardcover. Its true, men and women think differently. Men are not overly concerned with being romantic or being romanced. A man's perfect date might be described as "we went to Friday's, grabbed a beer, watched the game, stopped and grabbed a Redbox movie and watched Terminator before getting some really good sex and passed out." Straight to the point, no chaser, literally.

For most women (not all) romance is the bonus of being with a good man. A woman's perfect date might be described as, "we went to this really quaint restaurant and sat at a private table where we had a picturesque view of the sunset, great conversation all night, shared dessert (yes he fed me), and talked about the weekend coming. He surprised me on the way home by stopping at the park for a while while we held hands and just enjoyed being together away from the kids. We stopped and grabbed the latest Twilight but before we could watch the movie he ran a hot bubble bath and even had my favorite wine and some ripe strawberries, that he also fed me and we made love until the sun came up and I fell asleep in his arms." Detailed, planned, and romantic.

Both went on the same date but their were more memorable events that took place for her that made it romantic for her. And guess what? She probably was blushing and smiling all night and told one if not all of her girlfriends the next day making them all envious. The romantic touches didn't cost a lot of money and she feels loved, appreciated and desirable.

So what is ROMANCE in a nice pretty bow? Romance is HOW you express your affection for your partner IN ADDITION to your normal, everyday routine. "Going above and beyond" what she expects on a daily basis. You don't have to be romantic everyday, though some are capable of doing so (our "because she deserves it" type we talked about yesterday), but its taking the time and effort to be romantic often enough to be a CONSISTENT practice in your relationship thus what- keeping ROMANCE ALIVE!

I hope that this post today is the start of your Romantic How To, or a refresher for some. I also hope that you see that being romantic is not hard at all. Until next time, your homework is to review your Romance Traits and file them in your memory. Have a great night and dream of your special someone.


"Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze."- Elinor Glyn

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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Welcome to my Blog- Romance Queen

I created this blog because for a while I thought romance was dead. I'm single and the last guy I dated that I could truly say was ROMANTIC was almost two years ago. He came to my door on the first date with flowers. He opened my door for me everywhere, held my hand, rubbed my feet, checked on me with sweet texts throughout the day and was a true gentleman at all times. He was ten years older than me and maybe that was the reason why he understood how important romance was. I have found that since I was in college I always liked older men at least ten years my senior and for the most part, they too, were romantic. However, at my age now I am tending to date my age or younger and the men are not as romantic.

I've also talked to my girlfriends, single and in committed relationships and they also complain about the lack of romance in their relationships or that a romantic partner (some date women) is hard to find. They wish their lover/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse did more romantic things to show they cared, appreciated, desired and loved them. For those that are single and dating, they wished that their were more romantic people in the dating scene that did more than just take them on a "date." They would like to see a little more effort and time put into actually dating. In these discussions, with my girlfriends and in discussions with other women, we all agreed that romance is not about how much money you spend, its about the little things. Those "things" that say I'm Thinking About You, I Want You, I Care, You're Beautiful, You're Desirable, You Deserve a Break from the Kids, and simply put I Love You. Is that too much to ask?


Now, I have also talked to men. The replies from men were divided. Their were the men that said they "could be romantic" but couldn't tell me the last time they did something romantic for the woman in their lives. Then there was the ones that stopped doing it because "women don't appreciate it." Boo to those women! Then there are the ones who we love and bring tears to our eyes who say I am romantic every chance I get "because she deserves it." Awww... We love you guys!



So, ROMANCE is NOT dead. But, romance is not exactly Alive either! Too many women are complaining they need it and miss it and too many men are not being romantic. Now I failed to mention earlier the remaining men I spoke to who admitted "I don't know how" to be romantic and are Romantically Clueless! Some men just don't know how to begin being romantic, haven't tried but know they should, or just have no idea what romance is at all. Yes these same Romantically Clueless men sincerely are interested in being romantic to please their current woman, attract their future good woman, or just improve his bachelor stats with the women.

My hope as the Romance Queen is to help men (and women) learn what romance is, become romantic, remain romantic even on a budget, and keep ROMANCE alive! I am 37 years old and my friends are always coming to me about their relationships and in my reply to them I always (or at least try to depending on the circumstance) talk about being romantic and showing their loved ones the importance of having more ROMANCE in their relationship and I've even coached a couple guy friends, including my father, on how to be romantic. I am NOT a relationship expert at all. However, I am passionate about romance and being ROMANTIC. I think its one of the biggest components of a relationship and something, if done often, can keep a relationship going strong. Note I did not say if done right... I hope you agree and will continue to read.


Please feel free to email me at romance101queen@gmail.com if you have questions you want me to address, topics to discuss or you would like some romantic advice!