Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Yes Women Can Propose to Men or Can They

So when the subject of women proposing comes up the conversation gets pretty heated and emotional. What is the big deal about women proposing to men?

Well for most, its not the traditional way. Ever since the beginning of time, the expectation was that the man would court the woman and the woman would wait for the man to pursue her and blah blah blah. Those times are gone! Women are more aggressive these days and not afraid to express interest in a man. 
Yes, traditionally the man proposed to the woman, but that was tradition. Tradition is always in the past. This is 2016 going on 2017. Some things in the past are no longer seen as the norm and for women, choosing a mate and who she marries is her choice. Not her parents. Not the church. Hers. Women are no longer asking for their parents opinion on who to marry. They meet a guy. They date said guy. They commit to said guy. They fall in love and when they get engaged, they tell their parents. 
People also like to throw up the Bible and God in this conversation. As a spiritual woman I am well versed in the Bible. No where in the Bible does it say that the man has to propose and that the man has to choose his mate by himself. Marriage is a commitment made between TWO people- the man AND the woman. The intended husband in the Bible did have to ask for her hand in marriage and go through several rituals to win her hand. However, no where in the Bible is their a rule that the husband has to be the one to propose. Nowhere. Their is an account however in the Bible where women switched roles and one such one was in the case of Ruth and Boaz. Ruth proposed marriage to Boaz when she approached him at his bedside. She was offering herself to him to be his wife. The Bible speaks of a man loving his wife as himself, a woman respecting her husband and husband and wife becoming one. I do not recall a scripture saying the man must propose to the woman. 

Another argument I hear about why women should not propose is because it "emasculates the man" and to "let a man be a man." What really does that mean? Does this mean that a man is weak if a woman proposes to him and he accepts. Does it mean that because the man did not propose to the woman first that makes him a punk or less of a man? Or does this mean that because the woman stepped forward to ask him to be her husband, that makes him the weaker link in the relationship?  This is all false. If a man is considered weak for accepting the role to be the head of her household and lead her and her children, then I would hate to see what else makes him weak. If he is less of a man for accepting a proposal from a woman who obviously feels he's worth being her King or getting romanced or surprised with such a grand gesture then maybe he's not ready to marry a woman who is proving she is strong enough to be his Queen. 
Accepting a woman's proposal does not emasculate a man or take away the fact that he is THE MAN. It only means to the woman that he is worthy of her forever commitment, the father role of her children and the leadership of her castle. That's it. If you do some research their were Queens who chose their husbands to rule beside them, not the other way around. I am big on ROMANCE. Its nothing wrong with the woman taking this step to surprise, honor and ROMANCE the man in her life.

The other argument and probably the one that gets under my skin the most is when I read or hear (especially a woman) say that it makes the woman look weak, desperate or rushed. I don't know about you but it takes a lot of heart to go outside the traditional norms we have already discussed and ask a man to marry you. It also takes a very strong woman to even consider it. We want what we want when we want it. Women are not inferior to men. We are not weak for knowing in our hearts that we want to marry the man we are with. We are not desperate because we choose to not wait for him to ask us, like some feel we should do. 
I know women who want to get married but because they need him to ask, are in a relationship with the same man for 5-8-10-18 years (yes all accurate years of people I know or have heard about) all because they are waiting for him to ask having his kids and all while "playing wife." Now what kind of mess is that? That is a miserable feeling to want to marry the man you love but because of tradition or your family or your friends opinions or societies view on what is normal you are idly sitting around for a proposal. I don't know everything about men but what I do know about women is that- MEN WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO (outside of abuse).  If you want to get married. He's the one. He's obviously not going anywhere, why not propose to him? 
Men fear rejection (thus why they haven't asked you) and then some really are just comfortable shackin up. Ladies you deserve more than that. If you want to get married, I agree give him the chance to ask you. We all want the fairytale proposal we dreamed of as a little girl. I get that. However, there is nothing wrong with you making your dream come true by surprising him and proposing to him. Go for what you want. Make your own fairytale come true with him as your Knight in Shining Armor and propose! Its not wrong. 

Follow your heart always and do what makes YOU happy!

Good reads on the subject

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Yes! Women Can Propose to a Man- Part 1

So I've had the discussion online, namely Facebook, about women proposing to men. The conversation got pretty heated and it was very frustrating for me to see so many men who felt like a man on the receiving end of a proposal as "weak" or "less of a man" if he accepted. It also pissed me off to see women, otherwise very strong women, saying that a woman must be "desperate" or "weak" or "pressed" to ask a man to marry her.

Our daughters are being raised to be strong-minded, independent, goal and career-oriented Queens. We teach them to respect themselves, wait for the right boy/man to give their goodies to and to follow her dreams. If we can teach her all these things, how can we frown on her also choosing her husband and lifelong partner. I have been proposed to probably nine times that I can think of off the top of my head. I have also been married before to a man that proposed to me almost every month before I finally said yes and that ended in divorce so why can't I, as a strong, independent, educated woman, not take the initiative to ask the man the man I want to be my husband and a father figure to my children under our roof to be my husband by proposing to him? I should be able to! 

Women are no longer tied to the traditional roles of being the stay at home mom, making less income then their husbands and not holding prominent positions in business. Women are now top income earners, working more hours than their husbands, buying houses before they have a mate, and raising kids successfully on their own. For new age women, like myself, I like being in control of my future, especially when it involves my children.

I respect the traditions of the man being the head of the house, providing for his family and playing my role as woman in my household. I still hold those traditions dear in my heart and maintain my "role" as a woman in my home now with my boyfriend. However, I am very progressive. I have always gone after what I wanted especially in a relationship. I encourage any woman that has children, especially, and any woman that has been successful, or any woman that has ever been divorced or in an abusive relationship, or any woman who knows deep in her heart that the man you love is the ONE to propose marriage to him. Its not about trending. Its about making the best decision for you, your heart, your children and your life. 

We wanted equal rights. We wanted to feel like we contributed to society. We want to feel successful, accomplished and all the women's rights advantages. Why not be pro-choice in selecting the man you want to spend the rest of your life with and taking the step to being his wife. Its empowering, not weak. Its success, not desperation. Its invigorating, not depressing. A real man will respect your love and commitment to him with his answer- yes (or no) and will see in you a strong, loving, loyal woman.

Some articles that I found interesting on the subject:





Thursday, November 24, 2016

What a Difference a Year Makes- Happy Thanksgiving!

This time last year I spent the holidays with friends even though I was in an exclusive relationship. The person I was dating didn’t bother to invite me to his family’s house for the holidays. It was a miserable feeling.  Even though I am not big on holidays, this time of the year can be melancholy for lot of people who are in bad relationships, broken homes, live far from family or are single.  I understand the feeling. I felt the disappointment of not being with the one I felt I should have been with. Thankfully for great friends, I got plates delivered to me while I had a nice romantic-me day at home with movies, bottles of wine and lots of much needed rest. Trust me, it wasn’t a depressing day after I realized that being with myself was better than being with someone who really didn’t want me around despite his professed love.

Well this year is different. This year I have been dating a very family-proud, inclusive young man (yes I’m a cougar now…more on that later…giggles*).  He introduced me to his mom the first month we were dating, took me around his friends within weeks and I am included in everything family with him. His mom and I have a good relationship and we are on our way to his moms for our first Thanksgiving together where I will meet his aunt and brother’s families.  It’s so important that, even though I don’t celebrate holidays per say, that I have the opportunity to spend time with someone special and be surrounded by family during times of the year that are set aside for family. There is nothing worse than wanting to be with family or someone you love and can’t or not included.

The holidays are a time for family, friends, love and coming together. It can also be a time for ROMANCE. Couples that are spending this time together should always take time for each other, even if it’s for a stolen moment, to have an intimate moment just the two of them. So during the holidays, exchange lots of kisses, hold hands, reaffirm your love for one another, find a quickie spot to make out and include them during this holiday season the best you can. When you love someone you want to spend time with them during the holidays. Take time to do so even if you can’t spend the whole holiday together. Share this joyous time together and share your love with everyone around you. Happy Thanksgiving!