So yesterday I was talking to someone about my blog and some subjects to write about and they said that they have been reading my blog and saw a blog on Communication and on Intimacy but what about Sex?
Sex is an important part of every relationship and should not be taken lightly. I remember someone told me that they do not have sex with everyone they date because when a man and woman have sex they connect on a higher level and you do not want to connect with everyone in such a way. They also said that when two people have sex the man penetrates her and the energy between the two are transferred. Some energy is not good for us, so we do not want to transfer negative energy to ourselves. This was a man talking and I think that's why it stuck out in my memory. I was not used to a man talking about not having sex.
We were taught as adolescents that we should wait for marriage to have sex. I was taught that as well. However, we are all adults and most of us have had pre-marital sex so its only right for us to talk There are some reasons to hold out on sex tho otherwise than the opinion of my humble friend above:
1. Women are emotional creatures, thus, most women connect more once they have sex with you. Advice I have given women and they come back to me and tell me that it made a difference, is "wait to have sex until you know that your relationship is going where you want it to go." I myself always didn't follow that rule but as of lately I have. Women are emotionally wired and it doesn't feel good when we have had sex with a man and then two weeks its over. We feel like a piece of us goes with him because we have shared our bodies with him. It can leave us feeling vulnerable, empty or used. So my suggestion for both men and women (and myself) is to hold off on having sex until you know if your relationship is going to go past dating.
2. Take time to get tested first. HIV and STDs are rampant. Some STDs you are not even aware of until you have symptoms, if you have symptoms and HIV can take up to a year to show in your system. The time it takes for you to go to the doctors to get tested and get the results can be 1-3 weeks. It would be nice if the two of you can go together. A couple of mine, make testing a part of date night by going to the testing center to get tested together and then going on a date after. Going together reduces anxiety and shows your support for each other.
3. Talk about your wants and desires first to see if you are compatible. Some people are more sexual than others. Some people have certain appetites that might be uncomfortable for others and some are turned off after having a conversation about sex because they find out their sexual history that is disturbing. I am not prejudice nor do I have problems with those who are homosexual or bisexual but some women would not choose to be with a man who is bisexual or had a homosexual experience and some men do not want to deal with a woman who is bisexual or had a lesbian relationship. This is a matter of choice and preference and should be respected but its better to learn a person's sexual history BEFORE you have sex with them and not after. This is also a good time to talk about contraception and what kind you use. I am allergic to latex so because I have to use certain condoms I like to let my partner know before we have sex so either he or I can get the right ones that won't aggravate my nana.
4. Plan your first time. If you both agree to wait for 90 days like Steve Harvey suggests or 20 dates like on 40 Year Old Virgin then you have the time in between to really get to know each. It gives you time to plan the perfect ROMANTIC first time together and it also gives you time to figure out if this is what you really want. Holding off on sex and planning it together is something we've discussed before (just not when it pertains to sex).
5. You find out if its Love or Lust. When you have sex too soon you might misconstrue the feelings you have for one another as Love when its really Lust. There is a difference between the two. Lust is motivated by physical attraction. Love is motivated by the person inside (not just out). When you lust for someone and the fire burns will they still be there? When you love someone and the fire burns, you expect them to still be there. There is a difference. Recognize it.
I think this is a good place to stop for now. This gives you time to think about how sex plays a role in your relationship if you are dating someone. If you are married then you have already had sex and this is something we will discuss next.