Our last blog we were continuing out subject Lets Talk About Sex and our topic was n Monogamy. To freshen up, you can view the last blog here. In a nut shell, we were discussing , marriage and committed relationships and how to communicate your needs before stepping outside of your relationship. The main points were:
1. If your relationship is getting stale, practice on working it better as often as you can and talk about.
2. Do not talk to someone else about your sex (relationship) problems before talking to your mate.
3. If you are not getting enough sex or the sex with your partner isn't good, talk about it with your partner and do things to enhance your relationship and sex life.
4. Be open and honest about what you want without putting your partner down.
5. If you want to try something new in the bedroom approach is slowly.
6. Instead of making it just about sex, set up a romantic atmosphere and spend some time together while getting in the mood- foreplay!
7. If the above doesn't work and you've tried everything, then seek counseling.
Some people don't and that leads to the #1 reason people break up or get divorced- CHEATING. I did a poll on Facebook to get people's feedback on why do people cheat.
When asked why do women cheat the top 3 reasons were:
1. To fill a void.
2. Lack of attention.
3. Finding a better fit (grass is greener on the other side)
When asked why do men cheat, the reasons were:
2. Unhappy and only there for the kids
3. Men are hunters. They are always looking for new pu^%y
4. Women are settling for someone's else man instead of their own man so its easy to cheat
5. Grew up in a house where cheating was common
I couldn't put just three reasons for the men because the replies were so detailed.
When asked in general why people break up or get divorced the replies were:
- Selfish or self centered
- Fall out of love
- POOR COMMUNICATION
- Lack of trust
- Financial issues
From our poll, it seems that people agree with the experts on why people break up and why people cheat, so how can we change this so that relationships are getting stronger not weaker and people are more monogamous to each other with their hearts, minds and bodies?
Well one way we can do this is by being friends FIRST before we start dating. Getting to know a person and actually liking them before you start being intimate is essential. When you jump into an intimate relationship and sex before really getting to know a person it can cause a lot of heartache (especially for women). We talked about this is in our first topic in Let's Talk About Sex.
When dating, let it flow naturally. Continue to learn about each other. Romance each other. Talk about everything. Enjoy each other. If it doesn't feel right, say so and move on. Sometimes we stay in relationships (me included) because we don't want to be alone or we have gotten comfortable. Don't do it. Move on. There is someone for everyone.
If it does feel right, move on to the courting phase but only if you can see yourself being together, and only each other, for a lifetime. Courting doesn't always lead to marriage but its the period of time where you talk about kids, your future, what you want out of life, dreams, compatibility, and so forth and if you both want the same things or can compromise on what you both want then make it official and put a ring on it. Only make this final commitment if you are 360% sure. I have been using this number for years now and some people don't understand it but its simple. I could say 100 but when you do something 360, you look at it from all angles before making your next move. Marriage is 360, giving it your all TOGETHER, monogamously, whole-heartedly. Relationships should be the same way too. If you make a commitment to each other, then respect it. If you don't want the commitment anymore, have respect for the person enough to end it. Do not cheat. Do not start looking elsewhere. Talk about it. Work on it. Go to counseling if you have to but if you can't work it out or don't want to, leave.
Simply put Monogamy is about mutual respect, courage, practice, communication, trust, and LOVE. When you LOVE your mate you want to be with them and only them regardless if you are having problems or not. I remember a lyric in a song that said that "I rather fight with you then live another minute without you (or something like that)." That's how I feel. I am all about working on things until their is nothing else to do especially when I love someone. I feel that if my heart falls for you then their is a reason. I also feel that at my age, I don't want to be a serial dater. I want to have that ONE I can love everyday, have sex with every opportunity we can, argue with if need be and have awesome makeup sex just to wake up and love all over him again and live our lives together. I deserve someone who loves me and only me just like You deserve someONE to love You and only You. Monogamy is not for the weak or for the old. Monogamy is for the strong and for the respected.
Practice it. I think you will enjoy it. There are so many ways to do it (wink*)!