Thursday, March 10, 2016

Let's Talk About Sex- Part 4- Monogamy

We've been talking about S-E-X the last couple of posts and this one is going to continue that conversation on a more serious note because we are talking about a word that seems to be more taboo that natural these days- MONOGAMY.

When people get in a relationship, most expect that they are in a relationship with each other and that their will not be any outside influences. When people get married, they expect that their mate will be their only mate for a lifetime, right? Well yes but does that really happen? When I did a Google search for "Top reasons people get divorced," among the top reasons was what? Cheating!
Ten years ago the answer was most likely financial reasons, now its "infidelity" or "cheating." Are you surprised? I'm not. People cheat and its more often than not. People do not have a common respect for each other to not be selfish and go seeking sex or partnership or companionship  or thrills besides with their partners. They are stepping outside their relationships and marriages and finding temporary solace somewhere else. They are not monogamous to their relationship.

Monogamy is the "practice of having only ONE sexual partner during a period of time" according to the Free Dictionary online. So the reason I used this definition is because it used the word PRACTICE.

In order to be great at something you have to PRACTICE, practice, practice! That means you keep working at it until it you get it right. If you're relationship is going stale and you need something more, then TALK about it FIRST. Don't go talk to someone else. I think that in most relationships and especially with social media, we tend to vent to everyone but who we should- our partner. I've been guilty of "venting" myself and even though it is okay to vent, its not good for your partner to learn about what's on your mind on your Facebook page.  So talk to your partner FIRST before you talk to someone else.

If you are not getting enough sex or the sex is not good, TALK about it and do things to enhance the sex and intimacy in your relationship. That adage of "what you won't do someone else will" is true! Their are many women and men out here who love sex and do not mind having sex with Your partner simply because they can. Don't give someone else the opportunity to sex your man or woman when you could have gotten what you wanted at home. If you are not satisfied, TALK to your partner about it and tell them what you want, need, desire and are willing to do to improve your sexual relationship.

How can you expect your partner to please you if you don't tell them that you are not pleased? Now we don't want to be disrespectful or hurt our partners feelings by saying "You don't please me." Take the time to formulate in your mind what it is you want and think before you speak. You know your partner better than anyone (or so we hope) so you should know how to talk to them without offending them (or trying not to). Being open and honest about what you want in the bedroom is very important for all relationships, so try talking about your wants and needs instead of coming off as dissatisfied or demeaning. You never know, maybe your partner has been thinking about it too and taking the initiative to talk about it is the way to open up this sometimes difficult dialogue. Or maybe what you want to do makes them uncomfortable. This is another reason to talk about it. There might be a reason why they are not doing what you want and the two of you can work it out together.

If you can't find the words to talk about it, SHOW them. If you want to try something new in the bedroom approach slowly. For instance, if you want to try oral sex on your mate and you've never done it before it might throw them off guard if you just jump between their legs and go to town. Work up to it. Caress them, ask if they are okay with it, and go from there. Sometimes its better to move slow with certain things so that it goes better. However, if you want to ride cowboy style, then my suggestion is just to go for it ladies! I don't know any man that's going to push you off (giggles*).

Another thing, some of us have higher sex drives. If you are one of those people and you are not getting it enough then TALK about it and set up ROMANTIC situations where your partner wants and will get in the mood. Sometimes we don't have more sex because either we don't make time for it or we don't give our partner a reason to want to have more sex. Rolling over on someone at night and saying I want you might work but wouldn't it be better, if you came home with dinner, rubbed their feet, engaged in a little make out session on the couch and then took it to the bedroom? Sometimes setting the mood is all you need, period.

If talking about it, initiating it and being ROMANTIC doesn't work, then we might have a problem that needs to be addressed in counseling but what if their is a reason why your mate doesn't want to have sex? What are some reasons why MEN and WOMEN cheat? I asked this question on Facebook and would love for you to chime in. We will discuss it further on my next blog post!

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