Let's Talk About Sex- Part 2
Yesterday we talked about reasons to not have sex right away when you are dating someone. But what about those that are already married? We all agree, I believe, that sex is a big part of any relationship and even more to marriages. I am divorced so like always I don't say I am an expert at relationships, but I do know that when things were bad in my marriage, sex was almost non-existent. I also know that a healthy relationship, good or bad, does not stop your physical attraction to each other. Sometimes sex is the way you make up and forgive (along with talking the issue out). There is nothing wrong with makeup sex, but we don't want that to be the only time we have sex with our mate.
Sex also should not only be used as a tool for what you want or as punishment. I know you have heard this saying before, "what you won't do someone else will," well we don't want to support cheating. However, we do not want your mate to feel neglected and unhappy where they stop coming to you for sex, attention, intimacy, and communication. Sex should be shared between two people that cherish each other, so using sex as a tool in a marriage is a no-no. Its cruel and unusual treatment. Don't do it.
Women and men are just as sexual in relationships, tho women tend to think that's all men think about. Its not. Your husband has the responsibility of being the provider for the family, being a good husband to you, and being a great father to the kids. He also has the responsibility of caring for your needs (mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically). You also have the responsibility to do the same for him: being a good wife, mother, running the household and caring for all of his needs. This includes sex. Sex is not just in the act. Its in the emotional and mental connection that reignites during sex.
Now are you obligated to have sex? Yes and no. Yes you have an obligation to fulfill your mates needs. However, no you do not have to sex every single time they do (though it would be nice) or when you are physically unable to (such as your menstruation cycle). Couples may not have the same sexual desires as the other but this is something you should have known BEFORE you got married and if that is the case you went into the marriage knowing it so you should be considerate of it. It would be nice that the two of you try to please each other when the other wants to have sex, but let's be realistic, not every time are you on the same horny level as your mate. If you are not in the "mood" or not feeling well, then find other ways to please your mate, so that your mate does not feel neglected or unwanted. It also may be nice that if your libido is stronger than your mate, that you come up with ways to either help them get in the mood (if they are physically able) or to help yourself get the release you need.
Marriage is stressful enough without having sex. Sex is also healthy for your relationship and you.
1. Sex helps keep your immune system active by fighting germs and viruses. According to WebMD people who have sex regularly call out less from work.
2. Sex boosts your libido. The more you do it, the more you want it. For women, sex increases your natural lubrication and blood flow.
3. Sex improves a woman's bladder flow. Good sex works out your pelvic floor muscles which strengthens them.
4. Sex lowers your blood pressure. It has been shown that having sex reduces your systolic levels (first number when taking your pressure).
5. Sex counts as exercise. Sex uses about 5 calories per minute , bumps your heart rate and uses various muscles.
6. Sex is good for your heart literally. Sex increases your heart rate and balances your estrogen and testosterone levels.
7. Sex makes prostate cancer less likely (but not a cure). Men that ejaculate more were less likely to get prostate cancer according to a study published by the Journal of the American Medical Association.
8. Sex helps you sleep. I don't think I need to explain this. After a good sex session, I am always sleepy....Next!
9. Sex reduces stress. Amen! Having sex with your mate reduces anxiety personally and in your relationship. When you are angry at each other but can still have sex, it reduces the anger and brings you closer together during this intimate moment.
10. Sex can reduce colds. Sex increases your body temperature and produces higher levels of antibodies that fight off colds. Take off for sex not a bad cold! I like that idea.
11. Sex gives your skin a youthful glow. Couples who have sex on average 4-5 times a week showed signs of looking younger. We mentioned above that more sex helps your body produce estrogen. Estrogen has been known to cause more shinier hair and softer looking skin.
12. Sex reduces menstrual cramps. When a woman has an orgasm, her uterus contracts which rids the body "of cramp-causing compounds" and it also "helps expel blood and tissue more quickly, helping to end your period faster," according to Women's Health.
13. Sex improves intimacy. During sex our bodies release oxytocin, affectionately known as the love hormone, which helps us build bonds, trust and generosity.
So as you can see their are many benefits to having sex including enhancing your relationship, bonding, and trust! Sex is also a great way to be ROMANTIC. Remember its not always about the act of having sex. There is so much more to it like sharing emotions and being intimate with your mate. You can be ROMANTIC before, during and after sex that will make the experience so much more enjoyable, exciting and something that your mate will want more of when you take the extra effort to make it ROMANTIC. How can sex be ROMANTIC?
TRY FOREPLAY! Foreplay is not overrated especially when your mate not be in the mood. Getting your mate aroused and ready is sensual and can be fun. Give each other a massage, play a sex game, bring a new toy to the bedroom, or take time to explore each others bodies. Foreplay not only gets your mate in the mood but it also gets your body temperature rising, your heart rate going, the juices flowing and the anticipation screaming!
During sex, you can try new things with each other like positions or location (possibly in the kitchen instead of the bedroom). Try something that your partner mentioned but you never tried like finger play, sucking fingers, or oral sex.
After sex, don't just get up out the bed or roll over away from each other and go to sleep. Hold each other, clean each other off, massage each others bodies, talk about how great it was, or stare into each others eyes while your heart slows down and their eyes are still twinkling from the explosion.
Sex is not a chore. Sex is not something you just do just to do it. Sex is the time for couples to explore each other, please each other, learn more about each others bodies, try new things together, be more intimate, communicate your needs and desires, and keep ROMANCE alive in your marriage. Sex can make or break a relationship, especially with men so always find time in your schedules to love on each other and enjoy great sex with spouse!