Sunday, September 6, 2015

Dating or Courting

With the rise in dating services and websites, dating has become a hobby. Whether you are looking for casual dating (dating for fun and no intent of committing), hooking up, hanging out or commitment (yes you have to date first), dating has become the new thing while courting (dating with the intent of marriage) is lost. The Institute in Basic Life Principles says: 

The main difference between dating and courtship involves the goals to be reached by spending time with a potential marriage partner. Men and  women who choose to date often have no commitment to consider marrying the other person. Maturity and readiness for marriage are not considerations in the decision to date. Instead, couples usually date with the selfish goals of having fun and enjoying romantic attachments.  In contrast, courtship is undertaken only when both parties are prepared to make a commitment to marriage. Dating tries to answer the question, How can I find the one who will make me  happy? Courtship strives to answer the question, How can I honor God and discern His direction regarding my life partner?-

I totally agree with the above definition so with that being said its easy to see the difference between dating and courting. People are not into marriage anymore and rightfully so with the rise in divorces but why are their so many divorces? The views on relationships these days have changed how people think when it comes to marriage. Its more common to jump from relationship to relationship because its easy to do so then to fight for the relationship they invested in at the beginning. Dating is a way for people to date multiple people to get to know who they might, or might not, want to commit to. Having multiple options can be fun and exciting but how can you truly to get to know a person if you are dating more than one person.
Also the definition of dating is different to everyone. When some say I am dating someone, do you know exactly what they mean? Are they saying they are exclusive with that one person or in a committed relationship? Are they saying that they are consistently seeing the same person without a commitment? Or do they mean that they went out on a date with someone and they are the date victim of the month? Dating means so many things to different people that its hard to know anymore what exactly dating means. I read one article about Taylor Swifts possible definition of who she was dating and it was hilarious but so real. Take a peek, I am not the only one confused about what dating means so the only way I can define it is to compare it to the more traditional form of what dating used to be, COURTING. 
Dating is seeing, spending time, or getting to know someone in an intimate way with no clear intent of marriage. While courting involves dating; however, the intention is to get married. So Tammy meets Spencer and they go out on several dates to get to know each other and spending time. Meanwhile Tammy might also be seeing Derrick and Justin and those guys might also be seeing other women. None of these parties are "dating" with the intent of marriage. However, if Tammy and Justin decide they want more than just dating and a formal commitment and want to consider marriage then they begin the courting phase. Make sense? Good!
So now that we know the key difference in dating and courting why does it seem that people are no longer courting. You rarely here of courting anymore like in our parents time. Dating is easier. Its fun. Its a way for people to date and get to know multiple people with no real commitment. It gives people an easier way out. It does require paying for a wedding or a divorce. People are living busy lives. Women are focusing more on their careers than marriage and family. Men have a multitude of single men to pick from. Options galore make dating more attractive. 
I admit I enjoy dating myself but I am starting to get to a point in my life that I no longer want to date. I want to be courted. So this year I have started dating only men who would like to get married. If they don't want that in their future I politely decline to date them. I have a goal in mind and that is to get married again one day. I could continue to date multiple men but its no longer fun for me or convenient. Its a chore. Getting to know Mike, Damon and Jim only to find out we don't want the same goals in life is now a waste of my time. Its important to me, now, to date with an intent. Not always does dating lead to marriage because people aren't always going to be compatible even in courting situations but serial dating is just not my thing anymore and more on more women and men, surprisingly feel the same way.
Do I have something against dating, No. Not at all. I wouldn't be able to call myself a hopeless romantic if I had something against dating but when two people meet its important that they know the difference between dating and courting and that both agree which one they are doing. Things can get pretty uncomfortable when one wants to date and the other wants to court or they don't know what the others intentions are. If you enjoy dating and you are not ready to find a life partner then dating is a great way to live your single life until you are ready to think marriage. Just make sure that the person you are dating feels the same way. 
Their are some, like me, who appreciate the purpose of courting and want to find someone who wants to be courted. Its a wonderful thing when you come to a point in your life that you are ready to find a mate to share it with but not everyone has reached that point. Know the difference when you are interested in someone and make sure that you are on the same page so that both of you know what the other expects and if its not the same thing, then you have a choice to make but if it is, courting can be a wonderful experience that can lead to a solid foundation for your marriage.
Happy dating or courting!

As always when I am doing my research I like to share websites that I come across that attract my attention. Since I am a full figured woman and hope to get married someday here was a great website of gorgeous plus size wedding dresses, Enjoy!

1 comment:

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