Communicate

Wiki uses the words purposeful, information, convey, meaning and shared when defining COMMUNICATION. All of those words are important to communication. Communication is purposeful. It gives us the opportunity to share purposeful information to someone that we have a relationship with. For the purpose of this blog, we use communication to convey our feelings, intent, purpose and other meaningful ideas and thoughts. This is a shared or two way task. Communication takes two. The person talking and the person listening. Listening is a tool that is sometimes ignored. Hearing someone talk and actually listening are two different things. When you hear someone you can hear their voice, you might hear their words, but you are not really comprehending or absorbing what they are saying. Listening means that you are not only hearing their voice but you can sense the tone and emotion in their voice. You are not only hearing their words, you are understanding and processing what they are saying. Listening also means not interrupting the other person who is talking. I admit, when I am listening to someone, I am already formulating a response. In doing so, sometimes, I miss the rest of what they are saying. This is not effective listening. Listening involves listening to everything the person has to say without thinking of a response or interrupting what they are saying by interjecting. Effective listening is allowing a person to complete their thought and then responding. 

I remember when I was getting married, my cousin yelled at me, "Communicate!" Communication in relationships is probably on the top of the list of complaints among partners. Communication usually has roots back to childhood. If a husband was raised in a home where no one expressed their emotions and they didn't talk about problems in the home, then more than likely he will carry this form of (or lack of) communication into his marriage. If he has a wife, where she constantly heard I love you and they talked about everything, then she most likely will be the same in her marriage. You can already see how this can be a problem for this couple. The wife may get frustrated with the husband for not expressing himself and she might feel like he doesn't love her because he never expresses it. The husband may become overwhelmed with all of her expressions of her feelings and frustrated when he can't find the words to reply. Communication can seriously divide a relationship if both do not know how to communicate with each other effectively.

Another issue I have heard of in relationships is that they do not talk about things outside the home/marriage that bother them until it becomes an issue. For example, both partners in a relationship have a demanding job. They agreed to not bring work home with them but yet the wife has been having bad days at work and comes home angry and frustrated. The husband doesn't know why but yet she doesn't talk about work like they agreed. by Friday she's yelling at him for little things when its really work that is bothering her. In this case, work is effecting their relationship and should be expressed to her husband to avoid the blow up that could have been avoided. Whenever something occurs in a partners life that may effect the relationship, it should be discussed, period. 

It is very obvious that men and women communicate differently. Women are more emotional, naturally. Men are more straight forward, clear and blunt. Knowing the difference in how men and women talk is important to those that are in relationships. However, sometimes, the roles reverse and the woman can be straight forward and blunt and less emotional and the man can be the more emotional and expressive one. Learning each other's communication style is important. Learning to communicate and draw each other's emotions, feelings and concerns out is important.  If you are not big on words, then find ways to show how you feel and what you want.

You know that saying "actions speak louder than words." That's true in most cases but sometimes you need the actions to back up the words. There is another saying :Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no." Always say what you mean and mean what you say. Communication is important in relationships for several reasons: 
1) It reduces assumptions.
2) Its a way of expressing your thoughts, emotions, ideas, wants, desires and everything else.
3) It leads to better understanding.
4) It opens up an exchange of ideas. 
5) It leads to trust.
6) It outlines expectations.
7) Helps you to understand each other.

The benefits of communicating versus not communicating far outweigh each other. If your relationship is lacking good communication then a number of problems can arise including: mistrust, lack of intimacy, assumptions about the other partner, isolation of partners from one another, and affairs. Please note: Good communication is NOT yelling, cussing, name calling or abusive. If communication is a problem in a relationship here are some ways to improve it:
* talk more throughout the day
* discuss each others work day
* plan activities together for the family and for the two of you
* discuss discipline for the children together
* have family meetings
* plan date nights for just the two of you
* seek counseling
* find non verbal ways to express yourself
* go to bed together
* have breakfast together
* never go to bed mad at each other
* do not talk to others about your relationship (unknowingly- its okay to have someone to confide in but always talk to your partner first)

So where does ROMANCE come into play with communication. Everything that has to do with ROMANCE is communicating your love and admiration for your significant other! You can communicate your love through text messages throughout the day saying "I miss you," "I love you," and "I'm thinking about you." If you work away from home on a regular, video chat so you can see each others smile and face on a regular or before you go to bed. Send flowers with a sweet card to express how you feel about them. Pick up a card on the way home that says something new to your partner. Plan date night together discussing things you both like to do. Take time every day to talk one on one about everything and anything. Being romantic is all about COMMUNICATING how you feel. Take time today to set up a romantic atmosphere at home to communicate how you feel about each other. Its never too late to improve your communication. Everyone can benefit from it!



Good read links:
http://2012books.lardbucket.org/books/public-speaking-practice-and-ethics/s07-01-listening-vs-hearing.html
http://www.gbophb.org/center-for-health/resources/successful-relationshipscommunication-skills/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/04/01/6-ways-men-and-women-communicate-differently/