Saturday, May 7, 2016

Be Direct! Don't Categorize.

Am I the only one when on a dating site and a persons tagline says "hello ladies" or "welcome ladies" or "looking for women" that gets turned off? Or when someone is talking to you about what they want from you but they say "what I want from my woman is," or "my future wife will be" or "I will do these things for her in a relationship" you're thinking he must not want me or he's not too sure about what he wants yet? This can be confusing both ways- man to woman and vice versa. Be direct. If the person you are talking to is front of you, talk to them. Not around them. Not in scenarios. Not in future terms with some future perfect mate. Talk to the person in front of you.

Its much more ROMANTIC for the person you are dating to talk to you directly and tell you what they want for your future with them then to talk about some fictitious person that the two of you haven't even met yet.

Take these two conversations:

Convo 1:
I really want a woman that I can come home to that makes me smile every time I see her. I want a woman that I can text throughout the day and I can't wait to come home too. I will know that she is the one when all I want is her and I stop looking for something more.

Convo 2:
I have been waiting for a woman like you. You make me smile every time I see you. I can see myself coming home to you everyday. I love that when I think about you I can text you or call you and you respond right away. I really feel that you might be the One for me because I don't want anyone else but you. I've stopped searching. 

The first conversation would lead the person you are conversing with to think that maybe she is not the person you want because you are not being direct. Whereas the second conversation is direct. You are letting her know that you feel all these things for her directly. You are not putting her in a category with other women. You are letting her know that she is the one woman that you are talking about, want, desire and are speaking of.

Sometimes we talk in third person or are not direct for several reasons: We are afraid of their reaction. We are afraid that being direct might be too much. We are afraid that maybe the other person doesn't feel the same. We are not sure ourselves if the person we are talking to is the person we want. There are many reasons why we aren't direct or we talk about our needs and wants in a category of women and men, future or her, but if the person you are talking IS the person you are talking about- then be DIRECT and talk TO them not at them. If they are not the person you are talking about then be careful how you say things so you don't possibly offend them or make them feel like they aren't or can't be the person you desire.


  1. I agree with you on being direct and speaking to the person. For me, sometimes I don't the person enough to be direct. So, I'll talk about my wants and desires or who I am in a relationship or even friendship in generalities because I don't know them well enough to know if we are compatible and will really work as whatever the relationship is....friends, relationship, whatever. Once I get to know a person, I am much more direct and enjoy speaking to THEM.

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  4. I agree about being direct. I call it setting clear expectations. Most people feel that it may be too soon to set expectation, but why?
    So my question is this? if you have a temp job, do you not expect to be paid? of course you we do.
    Now setting unrealistic expectations is another subject.
    Sadly, in 2016 we have to treat our new person of interest like a child. My son who is 16 years old, I direct him constantly. When he is done eating, i have to remind him he needs to wash the dishes. i've said it over 100 times and i'll probably say it again tomorrow making it 101. but I know i am teaching my son how to be considerate and developing who he will turn out as a man. and i don't allow myself to get emotionally charged over it.
    through my experiences I had teach my EX's how i want to be loved/treated/expectation, without getting emotionally charged. Scenario: young lady I have been getting to know for over 8months flies to Charlotte to spend the week with me. father's day comes around and I gets nothing. but a Happy father's Day sounding all groggy when she was still attempting to wake. do I need to tell this young lady i'm interest in and also interested in me, that I expect a card or some form of acknowledgement on father's day? the response, YES. Now for those who will say, the fact she flew there to see you, should of been good enough. based on what? the times she spent or the price of the flight? interesting facts, but if i said she didn't spend the entire trip with me but also was hanging with friends and that I paid for the ticket, would those things matter?
    So, What happens when we assume? yeah, we look dumb...
    So I made the mistake and I accept my faults. I assumed she knew me, I assumed i was being direct but clearly after it was all over and done, she didn't know me.